Let Go and Let Dad

Please keep in mind that this note is written from the perspective of a stay at home mom with a full time working husband. In a lot of families both parents work and in some families the dad stays home and the mom works. I am speaking from the point of view of a married couple. I am speaking from my own experience.


Today I was out of the house from 5:30am till 9pm. My husband had to watch our 2.5 year old and 8 month old. All day. By himself.
Was I worried about our 2 darling daughters being at home all day with their dad. NOPE! No way! Why would I be? I was more worried that our 8 month old would be cranky and not settle for him, than I was about the girls. But even I have to deal with a cranky baby and 2 year old tantrums, and I survive, mostly, so I know my husband will as well.
Did I text and check up on him and the girls? YES! Of course I did, they are my babies, and my hubby, and I love them all and I want to know what is going on during the day!
I hate how society in general, makes jokes at the expense of fathers and their abilities in parenting their own children. I didn't need to toddler proof or "man proof" the house before leaving my husband and children all day. When my husband goes to work and is gone from 5:45am till 8:30pm, he believes and trusts that he is leaving his precious children in the capable, loving, caring hands of their mother. He texts or calls once in awhile during the day to check in and see how things are going, or to wish me well, especially when one or both of the girls have been extra difficult lately. When I leave my husband with the kids, whether it's for half an hour or half the day, I know I am leaving them in the loving, capable, caring hands of their father.
Now I am alone with the kids more often and I do take care of their outfits each day and I plan most of the meals (though when my husband does cook, he's very good at it). And he can pick out their outfits, of course, I just like to. So this morning before I left, I made sure to set out the girls outfits, and I put a bottle of formula beside the bed to make things a little easier for my husband. It had nothing to do with whether or not I thought he was capable of doing it, I was just trying to be thoughtful and nice.
Just because dads don't do things the way moms do them does not mean they are not good or capable of taking care of their kids. It will be different than what you do but it's not better or worse. In the typical household the moms stay home while the dads work. This means the mom is responsible for the majority of care for the kids, including bathing, feeding, dressing and educational activities. With the little time dads get to spend with their kids they want to have fun and enjoy their time together. This doesn't necessarily mean that all rules go out the window (or at least it shouldn't mean that) but it usually means that dads aren't going to be as mindful of things like having fruits and veggies as part of every meal and snack, or of giving them water even though they are asking for juice for the 100th time. Instead of quiet/nap time in their room, they may relax for an hour (or maybe 3) watching tv or playing video games. Instead of venturing out to the park or reading books, they may stay home and build forts in the living room. And you know what? That's ok! The kids will survive. The kids will have a blast. The kids will have memories to last a life time.
This may be irritating if mom has to be the "bad/mean parent" and tell the kids to go brush their teeth and get ready for bed, which they should've done an hour ago, especially if it seems that this happens a lot. There needs to be a balance and if dad is watching the kids all on his own, for long periods of time, often enough, than it can't be all fun and games all the time. Discipline and rules still need to be in place. One parent shouldn't be the "bad/mean/boring" parent all the time while the other one gets to be the "fun/lax" parent all the time. Both parents need to stand together in the discipline and rules, and both parents need to learn how to relax and just have fun with their kids.
Moms, we need to let go of our idea of "perfect" or "right" and know that our kids will be safe with their dads. And if you let go, and let dad, a little more often, he may just surprise you. And don't get mad if the kids praise dad for how much fun he is, leaving you feeling like the only one doing any work, or the only one keeping the rules. Your kids love you. They spend the majority of their time with you. You are familiar to them. This is a good thing. Kids thrive in that kind of environment. Your kids need rules, limitations, boundaries, routine, discipline, and familiarity. But they also need to let loose, have fun and relax.
Kids need their moms and their dads (this is assuming both parents are mentally healthy and not abusive). They need what both mom and dad bring to the table. They need the male and female influence. Kids need days with daddy. Moms need to "let go and let dad" and stop worrying about what is or is not going to happen. One day isn't going to harm anyone.
Remember when your husband goes off to work every day he leaves his kids in your care and trusts that you will take the best care of them that you can. Why don't you treat him the same way and trust him? 

Pinterest Project #1 - Art with Children.

This past winter I saw a kids art project on Pinterest that I thought was so cool and would be awesome to do. But when it comes to DIY projects, I never actually get around to doing them, or they turn out nothing like what I wanted. Well with this particular project I was determined to get it done this summer! I must say, it helped that I waited for a day when my husband was home, cause this one would be fun but super messy and require a bath afterward. 
I must say I am so happy that we we're able to get this done. It was super easy, fast, messy and fun. 
The person on Pinterest used photo paper (not good to use construction paper), foam sticker letters, and paint. I thought it was canvas so that is what I bought, along with water colours. And it turned out great. The foam letters stuck well and came off easily enough to peel off without a huge mess, but not so easily that they moved around while the kids painted :) 
I give this project a 10 out of 10, just make sure you are prepared with a bath, towels, etc for afterward, and I suggest everyone go out and make your home some awesome kids art! 

Passionless

Lately I have been feeling passionless... Like I have no goals, dreams, aspirations. Obviously there are things I want to do in my life, but I just feel.. blah. I know that being a stay at home mom is an extremely important role, but with only 2 kids there is the idea of do I go back to work when my baby is a year old (less than 5 short months from now) or do I continue being a stay at home mom (we plan on having more kids)? If I go back to work I would be going back to working in a daycare. I love the staff, the children, the job isn't a bad job, but I wouldn't say it is my passion either. I have never really had a passion when it comes to work. I have worked fast food, cashier at a grocery store and Toys R Us, in a dry cleaners, and in 2 daycare's. So far, I would say I have enjoyed working with children and I do like some cashier work, but I would love to find a job I am truly passionate about. Than on the other hand, I figure I won't be working for very long since I am at the "having babies" stage of life.
I guess what I really want, is that as my girls get older, I want them to look up to me as a great example. Not just a great  mother (which is my #1 priority) but as someone who had dreams and passion, and followed after those. A strong woman who didn't lose her identity in her kids or in motherhood, but that was made stronger in motherhood. I want to be someone who is on fire and passionate for God and chasing hard after whatever He has in store for me. I guess that's another problem...what in the world does God have in store for me? Why am I here? What is my purpose? Am I just meant to be a mom and stay home to raise up strong, passionate, compassionate, daughters (and maybe even sons)? Or is there more for me out there? How do I raise up passionate children if I can't find my own passion?  I do not want to miss what it is God has planned for my life. Maybe that's my biggest fear in all of this; somehow missing "it", whatever "it" is.
I understand that I am to love my neighbour, and I understand that that means everyone I come into contact with every day, and even those in far off countries. It means listening to a friend in need, serving at the soup kitchen, volunteering for Sunday School, and even donating money to charities that are serving in ways I never could. Is it my job just to do the "little" things that may seem meaningless in the eyes of society, or am I made to do "greater" things? We are all part of a body, and every part is important, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. I guess, I am just really searching to know what part of the body I am. Am I an eye? Ear? Hand? Foot? Fingernail? Lord, whichever part you have prepared me for, may I fulfill my duty fully and joyfully. May I never miss the opportunities you have divinely set before me on this path of life.
I know we are not all created to be in the spotlight, and I do not think I am made for the spotlight myself. At least not at this time in my life, who knows with God, right? Right now I know that I want the applause and praise of men more than doing it "unto the Lord" and as long as I am getting the spotlight and not God, nothing will be going on in my life. I know I need to be humble and lean on God for everything, every day.
I think sitting down and writing this out over the past couple weeks has helped me to know why I am feeling the way I am feeling. I am not seeking my identity in Christ, but in worldly things, and it's more about me than it is about Christ. Lord, may You show me who I am in You. May I gain my identity in You and not in this world.

Thank you all for reading my ramblings.

God Bless.

1 Corinthians 12:12

New International Version (NIV)

Unity and Diversity in the Body

¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.