They say there are moments in time that are so impactful, so life changing, that they split time and you forever see life as before and after that moment. “Before our accident”. “After the diagnoses”. “Before the divorce”. “After the fire”.
We all have these moments in our lives. Some have more than others. Some are not so big, some are huge. Some are positive - a marriage, the birth of a child, graduating from school - but it seems to be the negative ones that leave the greatest impact in our lives and are the ones that mark time as before and after, for most of us.
I never knew that November 8th, 2012 was one of those dates until November 8th of 2016.
November 8th, 2012, my husband, only daughter at the time and I headed out from Fort McMurray to Edmonton. It was the day that kick started a trip, that would lead me to visiting family in Grande Prairie, back to Edmonton to see Cesar Millan - The Dog Whisperer - spending hours in the ER with no answers for myself and heading back home to Fort McMurray (Nov 14th).
Little did I know that November 8th, 2012 was a day that kick started a huge chain of events that would forever change my life, impact my marriage and family, and give me a new whole new perspective in life.
While I was away with our daughter, our dog Boston was slightly injured and I was experiencing terrible stomach cramps with no answers. After arriving back in Ft.Mac our SUV was parked outside my in-laws house while I was visiting and my husband was at work(Nov 15th). A knock on the door and we were informed that the SUV had been hit and the driver took off, never to be found, leaving us with a $1000 deductible and several months without our own vehicle.
On Nov 18th, I was hit was some devastating news that rocked my world to its very core, making the past couple of very crappy weeks, seem like nothing!
What is it about bad times, bad news, that it always seems to come in threes?
How could so much change in 10 short days?
From about November 2012 to February 2013, was one of the hardest times in my life, thus far. It still affects me to this day, 5 years later. We have experienced a lot in these past 5 years, both good and bad, but those few months were definitely the hardest.
When you walk through a period of grief or trauma, of hardship and pain, you never know when you will come out the other side. It rarely just happens, you don’t just cry yourself to bed one night and wake up full of joy the next morning. It’s one step at a time, sometimes a few steps backwards, until one day, you realize that things are different. That the pain isn’t so fresh anymore. Maybe it’s not quite a scar yet but the scab is healing over.
It hit me suddenly one day while I was driving, listening to some music. I think it was last year - 2016 - that it dawned on me.
I had spent a few years listening to music, identifying with songs/lyrics, such as (click names for Youtube videos) :
Broken Hallelujah by The Afters
I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where you are.
I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But you're the one that can hear my heart.
Even though I don't know what your plan is,
Hello Mercy,
I have been searching for you lately
I've been wounded and from what I hear
You have the remedy
They told me You would be for me
So now I need to know
Is this a love that can save me
Or say You will then don't
Will You stay with me when nobody is around
If this is real, then tell now
Can you hold me together
Can your love reach down this far
Can you hold me together
Cause without You holding my heart
I'm falling apart
‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
Then one day I was listening to some “new” music and I started to cry as the lyrics finally reached my heart, after being etched into my brain from repeated listens!
Through All of It by Colton Dixon
Through All of It by Colton Dixon
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy, I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine
If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life overcome the grave
It’s the light that pierces through you
To the darkest hidden place
It knows your deepest secrets
But it never looks away
It’s the gentle hand that pulls you
From the judgment of the crowd
When you stand before them guilty
And you’ve got no way out
Some may call it foolish and impossible
But for every heart it rescues it’s a miracle
It’s nothing less than scandalous
This love that took our place
Just call it what it is
Call it grace
Seems like all I can see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight that's already been won"
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off theses heavy chains
And wipe away every stain now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed
I'm redeemed
So I know that’s a lot of lyrics to read and I didn’t even post the full songs! Thank you for sticking with me so far!
So where is the redemption in my story? What is so significant about November 8th?
For 3 years I never thought of November 8th 2012. I knew that those few weeks in November were horrible and I never want to go through that again, but I never thought about Nov 8th.
Then, last year, as I went through Facebook memories, I saw a status I posted on November 8th, 2012.
Heading out to Edmonton today then Grande Prairie on Saturday! Can't wait!!
:) Praying for safe travels for us and the in-laws as they will be traveling tonight! Turns out that November 8th was the date the kickstarted what would turn into a month from hell!
I still look back at all those memories of that time through tainted glasses. I have come through a lot of healing, but I know there is still more to go.
So where is the redemption?
November 8th, 2013, one year later, we welcomed our second baby into our lives. It took 3 years before I saw that God had redeemed that date for me, for my family. Now, a year later, I am finally getting around to writing about it!
Redemption, healing, it rarely happens the way we expect it to. And I am sure it always takes a lot longer than we wish it would!
It took me hearing the lyrics to the songs I was currently listening to and seeing how far I had come from the songs of the past 4 years. It took my looking back over my “memories” to even know that Nov 8th had played a role that fateful November of 2012.
I am so far from where I want to be in life, as a person. I am so deeply messed up. This is just one small piece of my story. One piece of the redemption God is working in my life.
God took a specific date in my life, a date that held no significance to me, He redeemed it, and in His perfect timing, He revealed to me His redemption and healing in my story.
My daughter was due on November 11th, 2013. I prayed that she would be born the 12th, making her birthday 11/12/13. None of my children were born on the days I wanted. Now I know the story of why one of them was born the day they were.
If I told you my story it would be of a God greater than me, bigger than my mess, working so much grace, mercy and redemption, into my life.
If I told you my story, it would all point back to Him, who gave me my story.
My story is written by The Author, my Maker, my Savior, my Redeemer, my Saving Grace.
My Story is His Story and it is one of hope, healing and redemption.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4English Standard Version (ESV)
