Books, Books and More Books

A “few” years ago (probably 9-10 of them), I started recording the books I read and the length of time it took me to read them. I just write down the title, number of pages, the day I started and the day I finish it (if it’s midnight, I record it as the technical day lol). Somewhere along the way, I started not wanting to “roll-over” or “carry forward” the books I was reading. If I started a book in 2016, I wanted it done by December 31st, 2016. Starting in probably November, I start to look at the books I have, what I want to get finished for the year and line up the books I want to read in the following year. Just looking at my one bookshelf, I have 37 unread books (including a couple devotionals). That is not including the list of ebooks I have saved online, and the list of paperbacks to take out from the library. Every year, I keep telling myself I will not buy any more books until I finish the ones I already have unread, on my lists and on my bookshelves. I did pretty well most of this year. Then I got money for my birthday and I bought 5 more books, plus my friend sent me one for my birthday and 2 for Christmas! It’s truly an unending list. I always say, I hope there’s reading in heaven!!! The problem with this, is I tend to overwhelm myself with all the books I want to read. I have 37+ books and want to read them all RIGHT NOW!!! You know how people make all these New Year’s resolutions to get fit, exercise more and eat better. To cut back in spending, pay off debt and save for their dream vacation. To spend more time face to face with friends and less time on Social Media. Then somewhere around January 8th, life happens. You still have all that Christmas baking sitting there, and you could freeze it, but really, how long will it last? Might as well enjoy it now. You get busy, and stressed, and your kids are screaming, so you decide to hit the drive thru, just this once, tomorrow you’ll make a super healthy dinner and stick to the grocery/food budget. You’re doing so well, cutting back on your spending, then the vehicle gets a flat and the dog gets sick. Your kid gets sick and you need to take a day off work. It seems like no matter how well you do, how hard you try, life happens and pulls you down.

Let’s be honest. Life is always happening and there’s never a perfect time to do anything!

I don’t typically sit down and write out New Year’s resolutions. Goal setting, and sticking to my goals, is not a strength of mine - this is my resolution for 2019: be better at writing down goals and following through!

       So what’s this have to do with my “year of books” and preparing for 2019? Though I don’t have a typical New Year’s Resolutions list, I seem to have a New Year’s reading list to accomplish.
My list of books cover several different topics, from being a mom, to being a wife. Slowing down and being in the moment, enjoying the life you have and hearing from God.
If I sit and think about all the different areas of my life - as a mom, a wife, a woman/human being, home keeper, and dog owner. With managing my time, following a budget, or self-control. It’s easy for me to see all the ways I am failing. All the ways I keep messing up, over and over again. It’s depressing. It’s frustrating. It feels hopeless. Overwhelming.
And then, there’s all these books for me to read. I think about all these different areas of my life and I think, ok I have all these parenting books, so I have to read those, oh and I have all these marriage books, better read those, oh and I heard about this great dieting book, better add that to the mix. Next thing I know, I am reading all these books, on all these different subjects. And they can all be super powerful and impactful and chalk full of incredible insights and wisdom. But then I get to the point where I am reading just to finish books. It’s no longer a leisurely stroll through the park, listening to the birds chirping, watching squirrels climbing trees and noticing all the different flowers. Instead it’s a marathon and I am just focused on the end goal and getting through it in a timely manner.
I think it’s better to read, say 12 books a year, and have the insight and wisdom found in them actually make a difference in your day to day life, than read 52 books a year and not be able to talk to anyone about what was in them or what you learned. Or, more like me, you can talk someone's ear off about what you read but then your day-to-day life is still the same. You have the knowledge from the books, but without the practical application, you’ll never gain wisdom, and your life will still be a hot mess.

The beginning of this year involved a lot of me going back and rereading past books, and if they had discussion questions in the back, I took the time to write out answers. There are some books you just need to come back to, time and time again. And I did try to stick to a few different topics, like reading the books I have about anger and emotions, or reading books about finances and provision.

Now, as I look at the books on my shelf, I am so excited about all of them, and trying not to overwhelm myself with trying to figure out what to read and in what order. I want to read them all RIGHT NOW!
And I have just started working on my own business, which has added books I want to read about leadership and running your own business, as well adding all the studying I have been needing to do.

I already know what novel I want to read - Written in My Own Heart’s Blood. #8 in the Outlander series, which has only taken me about 2 years to read through! But now I need to sit and think about what other books I want to start 2019 off with.
I have a devotional I did about 2 years ago - Having a Martha Home the Mary Way - which combines time with God in devotion, along with a daily thing to clean (like picking one room to tackle, or scrubbing the kitchen floors and cupboards, or going through all the paperwork, etc). It’s a 31 day devotional, and I feel like that would be a good one to start for the New Year, especially since I am lazy and terrible at keeping up with housework (I am too busy reading HAHA). (Business goals - make enough money to hire a bi-weekly cleaner!).
I also desperately need to start, and stick to, the diet my doctor suggested to me. I would like to lose a few more pounds, but it’s more about feeling good physically, and not feeling sick all the time, as well as being obedient to what God is calling me to do in the area of my health.
    I want to work on daily time with God - my birthday books included 4 books about hearing from God, plus I have a couple to reread - and I want to get my house cleaned (but really, what’s the point? I got 3 young kids still living in it!!!!) and I want to work on my physical health. Oh and I also need to work on my finances and along with a physical diet, I need to go on a financial diet. I want to take my diet (I have a recipe book with a 28 day meal plan) and only buy the food needed, and no take out food. Tackle diet and finances in one swoop.
See what I mean? On my mind is all these things to work on - diet/exercise, finances, hearing from God, cleaning my house, as well as being more present with my children and fully entering into the moment and enjoying my life. I don’t want to be an angry, frustrated person, especially with my children and I have just a little bit of work to do in the area of being a wife. ;)

Now, I know it’s ridiculous to sit here and think about all my flaws (we see what we are looking for). Looking at ALL my flaws , and focusing on them, is not going to help me.
And I am not saying there are no good qualities about myself.
And I know God loves me, just the way I am, but I also know that God loves me enough to not leave me where I am. I know that God is gracious and Jesus covers my flaws, while He prunes me and makes me into His masterpiece. God isn’t holding up a mirror to me and pointing out all my flaws and showing me everything I have to fix RIGHT NOW. God takes it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. God takes it one “flaw” at a time. He works on me lovingly, gently, graciously. He’s not expecting me to read all 37+ books in the next year and work my way to being a better person by next December. God works in and through me. God calls me to do what I can do and He does what I cannot do. And I believe that in most of these books, God gave those authors those messages and those books are great tools in helping others, including myself. There is nothing wrong with the books. But I cannot allow them to overwhelm me and stress me, and make me feel like I HAVE to read them all, and RIGHT NOW. These books are meant to be helping and encouraging me, not hindering me!

I think I lost the point of why I originally sat down to write this, a long time ago. I guess what I had in my mind to write, and what I was meant to write, were slightly different.

I am excited for the year ahead and all the new books that will come with it! Goal - to actually enjoy the books and gain wisdom and insight from them, and apply the knowledge to my life.


Merry Christmas everyone! And may your 2019 be filled with light, love and laughter, and many, many great books! Blessings; Mrs.Duff

On My Way

Jesus Heals Ten Men With Leprosy

¹¹ Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. ¹² As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy^[a] met him. They stood at a distance ¹³ and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

¹⁴ When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.

¹⁵ One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. ¹⁶ He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.

¹⁷ Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?¹⁸ Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?”¹⁹ Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”
Luke 17:11-19  (NIV) (emphasis mine)

          I don’t know about you, but when I read this story, it seems pretty clear that it is highlighting the gratefulness of the Samaritan. Jesus clearly points out that 10 lepers came and asked for healing, and questions where the other 9 are and tells the Samaritan that his faith has made him well (meaning physically as well as spiritually). Thanksgiving – gratefulness – is a big theme in the Bible. It is incredibly important to always be thankful, as every good gift comes from God.
      There is, however, another part of this verse that stuck out to me. “As they went, they were cleansed.”
There are many healing stories in the bible, from the Old Testament to the New, from Jesus to his disciples. There are stories of instant healing, of Jesus calling to a cripple to get up and walk, or to stretch out their withered hand. When these people did as Jesus asked, they were healed. But there are some stories, where the person asking for healing is healed, but not right there on the spot. Obeying Jesus’ instructions lead to their healing, but they have to do a little more than “just” stand up or stretch out their hand.

        Take, for instance, this story in the Old Testament, found in 2 Kings.

Naaman Healed of Leprosy

5 Now Naaman was commander of the army of the king of Aram. He was a great man in the sight of his master and highly regarded, because through him the Lord had given victory to Aram. He was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy.^[a]

⁹ So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha’s house. ¹⁰ Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, “Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.”

¹¹ But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. ¹² Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage.

¹³ Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” ¹⁴ So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.

2 Kings 5: 1, 9-14 (NIV)

                  We see here that Naaman went in search of healing, and when the prophet, Elisha, sent out his servant to tell Naaman what to do, Naaman was not happy. Naaman was a great man, a valiant solider, highly regarded by his master. He wanted Elisha to come out and give him special treatment, to wave his hand over the spot and to instantly heal him. However, Naaman had a part to play in his healing. He had to humble himself enough to realise that, although Elisha did not personally come out to see him, Elisha did give Naaman the answer to his healing. And Naaman had to humble himself and go dip himself in the Jordan, though he believed the rivers of Damascus were better. And he had to dip himself into the water seven times! After Naaman’s servants talked to him and got him to see reason, Naaman did as Elisha told, and he was healed. His skin became clean like that of a young boy! I have 3 children, and I tell you, as an adult, I wish I could have skin as clear and smooth as theirs!
        Naaman had a part to play in his healing. He had to actively, and humbly do what Elisha had told him to do.
As with the 10 lepers, they called out to Jesus for healing and he told them to go show themselves to the priest, and it was as they obeyed Jesus’ words and were on their way, that they were healed.

        This is where I find myself on my journey to healing. To figuring out what upsets my stomach and healing my gut, and figuring out what causes the break outs around my lips. Jesus could just instantly heal me and I could be dancing through the grocery store, praising God, eating whatever it was I wanted. But that wouldn’t draw me closer to Jesus. That wouldn’t answer the questions of what foods I can tolerate and what foods I could not. And that would definitely not lead to weight loss, or even maintaining my weight, but would definitely lead to weight gain!
        My relationship with Jesus does not tie me down in a bunch of rules, laws or legality. The grace of God gives me the freedom, the power, to say no to the things that are not healthy for me – whether that is actual food, relationships, or activities. With God’s grace I am empowered to go along this journey of discovery and healing. To have a healthy relationship with food and a deeper relationship with Jesus.
Right now, I am on my way to healing, and I know it will not always be an easy, fun road to take. The path to life is narrow and few find it! But there is adventure, freedom, joy and healing to be found along this path.

        May I continue on my way to healing and always remember to thank Jesus for the journey and the healing!

God Bless.

November 8th - A Redemptive Story

They say there are moments in time that are so impactful, so life changing, that they split time and you forever see life as before and after that moment. “Before our accident”. “After the diagnoses”. “Before the divorce”. “After the fire”.
We all have these moments in our lives. Some have more than others. Some are not so big, some are huge. Some are positive - a marriage, the birth of a child, graduating from school - but it seems to be the negative ones that leave the greatest impact in our lives and are the ones that mark time as before and after, for most of us.
I never knew that November 8th, 2012 was one of those dates until November 8th of 2016.

November 8th, 2012, my husband, only daughter at the time and I headed out from Fort McMurray to Edmonton. It was the day that kick started a trip, that would lead me to visiting family in Grande Prairie, back to Edmonton to see Cesar Millan - The Dog Whisperer - spending hours in the ER with no answers for myself and heading back home to Fort McMurray (Nov 14th).
Little did I know that November 8th, 2012 was a day that kick started a huge chain of events that would forever change my life, impact my marriage and family, and give me a new whole new perspective in life.
While I was away with our daughter, our dog Boston was slightly injured and I was experiencing terrible stomach cramps with no answers. After arriving back in Ft.Mac our SUV was parked outside my in-laws house while I was visiting and my husband was at work(Nov 15th). A knock on the door and we were informed that the SUV had been hit and the driver took off, never to be found, leaving us with a $1000 deductible and several months without our own vehicle.
On Nov 18th, I was hit was some devastating news that rocked my world to its very core, making the past couple of very crappy weeks, seem like nothing!
What is it about bad times, bad news, that it always seems to come in threes?
How could so much change in 10 short days?
From about November 2012 to February 2013, was one of the hardest times in my life, thus far. It still affects me to this day, 5 years later. We have experienced a lot in these past 5 years, both good and bad, but those few months were definitely the hardest.

When you walk through a period of grief or trauma, of hardship and pain, you never know when you will come out the other side. It rarely just happens, you don’t just cry yourself to bed one night and wake up full of joy the next morning. It’s one step at a time, sometimes a few steps backwards, until one day, you realize that things are different. That the pain isn’t so fresh anymore. Maybe it’s not quite a scar yet but the scab is healing over.
It hit me suddenly one day while I was driving, listening to some music. I think it was last year - 2016 - that it dawned on me.
I had spent a few years listening to music, identifying with songs/lyrics, such as (click names for Youtube videos) :


Broken Hallelujah by The Afters

I can barely stand right now.

Everything is crashing down,

And I wonder where you are.

I try to find the words to pray.

I don't always know what to say,

But you're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,

I know you make beauty from these ashes.



Hold Me Together by Royal Tailor

Hello Mercy,

I have been searching for you lately

I've been wounded and from what I hear

You have the remedy

They told me You would be for me

So now I need to know

Is this a love that can save me

Or say You will then don't

Will You stay with me when nobody is around

If this is real, then tell now

Can you hold me together

Can your love reach down this far

Can you hold me together

Cause without You holding my heart

I'm falling apart

Falling apart

Fall Apart by Josh Wilson

‘Cause my whole world is caving in

But I feel You now more than I did then

How can I come to the end of me

And somehow still have all I need

God, I want to know You more

Maybe this is how it starts

I find You when I fall apart

Then one day I was listening to some “new” music and I started to cry as the lyrics finally reached my heart, after being etched into my brain from repeated listens!

Through All of It by Colton Dixon

Life's been a journey

I've seen joy, I've seen regret

Oh and You have been my God

Through all of it

My Story by Big Daddy Weave

If I told you my story

You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go

And if I told you my story

You would hear Love that never gave up

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine

If I told you my story

You would hear victory over the enemy

And if I told you my story

You would hear freedom that was won for me

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life overcome the grave

Call It Grace by Unspoken

It’s the light that pierces through you

To the darkest hidden place

It knows your deepest secrets

But it never looks away

It’s the gentle hand that pulls you

From the judgment of the crowd

When you stand before them guilty

And you’ve got no way out

Some may call it foolish and impossible

But for every heart it rescues it’s a miracle

It’s nothing less than scandalous

This love that took our place

Just call it what it is

Call it grace

Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave

Seems like all I can see was the struggle

Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past

Bound up in shackles of all my failures

Wondering how long is this gonna last

Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son

Stop fighting a fight that's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free

So I'll shake off theses heavy chains

And wipe away every stain now I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed

I'm redeemed

So I know that’s a lot of lyrics to read and I didn’t even post the full songs! Thank you for sticking with me so far!
So where is the redemption in my story? What is so significant about November 8th?
For 3 years I never thought of November 8th 2012. I knew that those few weeks in November were horrible and I never want to go through that again, but I never thought about Nov 8th.
Then, last year, as I went through Facebook memories, I saw a status I posted on November 8th, 2012.

Heading out to Edmonton today then Grande Prairie on Saturday! Can't wait!! :) Praying for safe travels for us and the in-laws as they will be traveling tonight!

Turns out that November 8th was the date the kickstarted what would turn into a month from hell!
I still look back at all those memories of that time through tainted glasses. I have come through a lot of healing, but I know there is still more to go.
So where is the redemption?
November 8th, 2013, one year later, we welcomed our second baby into our lives. It took 3 years before I saw that God had redeemed that date for me, for my family. Now, a year later, I am finally getting around to writing about it!
Redemption, healing, it rarely happens the way we expect it to. And I am sure it always takes a lot longer than we wish it would!
It took me hearing the lyrics to the songs I was currently listening to and seeing how far I had come from the songs of the past 4 years. It took my looking back over my “memories” to even know that Nov 8th had played a role that fateful November of 2012.

I am so far from where I want to be in life, as a person. I am so deeply messed up. This is just one small piece of my story. One piece of the redemption God is working in my life.
God took a specific date in my life, a date that held no significance to me, He redeemed it, and in His perfect timing, He revealed to me His redemption and healing in my story.
My daughter was due on November 11th, 2013. I prayed that she would be born the 12th, making her birthday 11/12/13. None of my children were born on the days I wanted. Now I know the story of why one of them was born the day they were.
If I told you my story it would be of a God greater than me, bigger than my mess, working so much grace, mercy and redemption, into my life.
If I told you my story, it would all point back to Him, who gave me my story.
My story is written by The Author, my Maker, my Savior, my Redeemer, my Saving Grace.
My Story is His Story and it is one of hope, healing and redemption.


2 Corinthians 1:3-4English Standard Version (ESV)

God of All Comfort

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.