Most
people understand having 2 kids close in age, but more than that and they look
at you like you're crazy. How could I ever find the time or energy to deal with
3 or more kids, so close in age?
Well,
I haven't figured that one out yet, cause we are still waiting for baby #3 to
arrive. Though I do hear 3 kids is tough, but anything after that is easy.
I
was tired and, at times, over whelmed, with one baby. My first baby cried and
at times I didn't know how to make it better. My first baby took forever (well
it felt like forever anyway) to figure out nursing - let's face it, we were
both new at it - and at times it felt like that's all I did. My first child has
temper tantrums and outbursts that I have no idea how to handle. My first child
is now in the midst of learning to potty train, but I tell you, there was a lot
of diapers the first 3-3.5 years. And with potty training comes a lot of
accidents and extra laundry.
I
also found with the first, there's so many more questions. Everything is new
and it's a lot of guess work. There's a lot of great advice out there, but
every mom/parent and baby is different, so there's a lot of just trying new
things and seeing what works for you and your baby. With the second (and I'm
assuming any babies afterward) there are still times of questioning and new
issues that arise, but it's less stressful. You have an idea of what works for
you - what you're comfortable with as a parent - and most of the guess work is
just trying to figure out who this new baby is and what works for them. I find
you're also just calmer with your second baby, because though every baby is
different, you learn faster what cries are important and when baby just wants
some attention, or when the child is actually injured verses just a scrape.
Our second arrived just 2 months
before our first turned 2 years old. Our first was, for the most part, sleeping
in her own room, all night, most nights. She was not yet near being potty
trained. And despite it being called the terrible twos, she was mostly good -
normal toddler things - but look out for 3! A whole new attitude emerged.
Our
second picked up on breast feeding much easier and faster than our first - I
wasn't new at it this time - but it still took time to sit down and feed. She
was up during the night to feed, and there was more diapers. Laundry remained
about the same as their clothes are so little and they have so many outfits, I
could probably go 2-3 weeks and still be able to put together a half decent
outfit for each girl - it does help having 2 of the same gender :).
Yes my husband and I, at times, were
exhausted, frustrated and had no idea what we were doing. But we love our
daughters so much and they bring us so much joy, we decided we wanted another
baby. And yes, it would be close in age to baby #2, who is close in age to baby
#1.
I
had originally wanted baby #3 to come when baby #2 was 18 months, but I did not
get pregnant as quickly as I had in the past and baby #3 is due when baby #2
will be 21 months old. Which I am actually thankful for, since baby #2 is
proving to have quite the attitude and temper. Her "terrible twos"
are starting a little early I think. Oh plus there's always the joys of
teething!
Does having a difficult, or trying,
or exhausting time with one child make me nervous about having a new born so
soon, or regret getting pregnant so quickly? Not a all.
Ok,
yes I am nervous about having 3 little people dependant on me (and their
father) for everything and how will I handle it on days when I am home all
alone? But I was nervous going from 0 to 1, from 1 to 2. I think that's only
normal, and there is an adjustment period no matter what.
I am already in the midst of chaos
of raising small children, why wait for things to settle down before adding in
a new born?
Why
wait for all the kids to be out of diapers and fully potty trained just to add
a new born and a couple more years of diapers? As much as there are days when I
am so tired of poop and I never want to see another diaper again, the diapering
stage really doesn't last that long.
Why
wait for all the kids to be sleeping through the night, every single night, on
their own, just to add a new born that, who, typically, needs to get up in the
middle of the night to feed? I am blessed with two children who are good
sleepers. Some nights, some weeks, it felt like I would never again get a full
night of sleep. Our second daughter started sleeping through the night and on
her own much sooner than our first. But then around 9 months she went through a
growth spurt and spent about 2-3 weeks getting up every night and ending up in
our bed - yes, we co-sleep!! - and it
was so frustrating. Now our baby is 20 months old and has been sleeping in the
other room with her sister for a couple months now and has only joined us in
bed again a handful of times. And call me crazy, but I am looking forward to
having another little one join our family and once again share a room with us.
If you're wondering how this affects our marriage and intimacy, don't worry
about it, we've obviously figured it out, as this is baby #3, and sharing a
room with baby is what works for us - aka, it keeps mommy sane.
I
completely understand that not everyone is ready or even able, to have so many
kids so close together. Some want more of a space, and that's normal. Some feel
they can only handle one or two children, while others seem to thrive with a
large family (4 or more kids).
What
I don't understand is how people think 1-2 kids is ok, 3 if the first 2 are the
same gender, but anything beyond that is just crazy. They don't want to be
judged for only having 1 or 2 kids (or no kids at all), yet freely judge you
for
having
more.
My
husband and I didn't set out on our adventures of parenting with a specific
number of kids in mind. I knew I always wanted at least 2 kids, and I always
liked the idea of having a large family (4+ children). But thinking about how
many kids you want when you're a teen/young adult and embarking on that journey
of actually having kids are two very different things.
After
our first was born, I totally understood how some people choose to only have
one. Babies/kids are hard, exhausting work! But as time went on and we got into
the swing of being parents, I totally understood how people could have 5 (or
more) children.
After
our first turned a year old I said, yes I am ready to have another, I want more
kids. A month later I was pregnant and 9 months after that we had our second
beautiful daughter! It wasn't long after our second was born that I felt like
we were meant to have a third, even if I wasn't sure on the timing.
Most
people have assumed that we got pregnant again, and so fast, in hopes of having
the long sought after baby boy - like our daughters aren't amazing!! And as the
time of delivery approaches nearer and nearer I keep going back and forth on
what I'd like the gender to be. But in the end, it doesn't matter. I didn't set
out to get pregnant in hopes of having a boy - though having a chance to raise
girls and boys and to give our daughters a brother would be nice - I set out to
have another baby. And I have to say from the ultrasounds, that's exactly what
it looks like :).
People
have told us that they hope baby #3 is a boy so that we will stop having kids
(how ignorant!).... like it's any of their business how many children we have,
or why we choose to continue having children. Will we have a 4th child,
regardless of the gender of this one? I have no idea. My husband and I have
always taken this one pregnancy and, so far, one baby at a time.
We
haven't based the size of our family on what gender our children are. We have
been grounded in our faith and we are trusting God with the number of children
and the space between children, and we do that by going on how we feel - if we
are at peace with having more or are uneasy on the idea. And I trust that if
our timing isn't God's timing then we won't get pregnant - as I said earlier I
didn't get pregnant this third time around as quickly as I thought I would - or
if we're unsure about if we should try, I imagine God is big enough to work
around birth control.
It's our family, it's our income,
our house, our sanity, and my physical body - I think that means it's our
choice how many children we want, as well as the timing of our children. We
want to be surrounded by others, family and friends, that support us, and love
us and our family. We want to be around others who understand having more than
2 kids. We want to be around positive people who actually like their own kids -
and preferably like our kids too if we're all going to hang out.
We
don't need to be told how hard or exhausting it's going to be - it was hard and
exhausting with one! We don't need people telling us our life will be over -
our life as we know it may be over, but it's really just the opening of a new,
exciting chapter in life.
So
lets all be a little more loving and positive towards those we meet - rather a
stranger in the grocery store struggling with unruly kids, our best friend, an
acquaintance and even our own family members. Let's rejoice with them in the
blessings of children, no matter the size of their family. Let's be there as a
shoulder to cry on when things seem like too much to handle, and let's bring
them a meal or baby sit their kids so they can have a break when a new born
arrives or everyone in the house is sick.
Children
are a tough, exhausting, amazing blessing! Let's keep that in mind no matter
what stage in life we are at.
