Why So Many Kids, and Why So Soon?

Most people understand having 2 kids close in age, but more than that and they look at you like you're crazy. How could I ever find the time or energy to deal with 3 or more kids, so close in age? 

Well, I haven't figured that one out yet, cause we are still waiting for baby #3 to arrive. Though I do hear 3 kids is tough, but anything after that is easy.

I was tired and, at times, over whelmed, with one baby. My first baby cried and at times I didn't know how to make it better. My first baby took forever (well it felt like forever anyway) to figure out nursing - let's face it, we were both new at it - and at times it felt like that's all I did. My first child has temper tantrums and outbursts that I have no idea how to handle. My first child is now in the midst of learning to potty train, but I tell you, there was a lot of diapers the first 3-3.5 years. And with potty training comes a lot of accidents and extra laundry.

I also found with the first, there's so many more questions. Everything is new and it's a lot of guess work. There's a lot of great advice out there, but every mom/parent and baby is different, so there's a lot of just trying new things and seeing what works for you and your baby. With the second (and I'm assuming any babies afterward) there are still times of questioning and new issues that arise, but it's less stressful. You have an idea of what works for you - what you're comfortable with as a parent - and most of the guess work is just trying to figure out who this new baby is and what works for them. I find you're also just calmer with your second baby, because though every baby is different, you learn faster what cries are important and when baby just wants some attention, or when the child is actually injured verses just a scrape.

            Our second arrived just 2 months before our first turned 2 years old. Our first was, for the most part, sleeping in her own room, all night, most nights. She was not yet near being potty trained. And despite it being called the terrible twos, she was mostly good - normal toddler things - but look out for 3! A whole new attitude emerged.

Our second picked up on breast feeding much easier and faster than our first - I wasn't new at it this time - but it still took time to sit down and feed. She was up during the night to feed, and there was more diapers. Laundry remained about the same as their clothes are so little and they have so many outfits, I could probably go 2-3 weeks and still be able to put together a half decent outfit for each girl - it does help having 2 of the same gender :).

            Yes my husband and I, at times, were exhausted, frustrated and had no idea what we were doing. But we love our daughters so much and they bring us so much joy, we decided we wanted another baby. And yes, it would be close in age to baby #2, who is close in age to baby #1.

I had originally wanted baby #3 to come when baby #2 was 18 months, but I did not get pregnant as quickly as I had in the past and baby #3 is due when baby #2 will be 21 months old. Which I am actually thankful for, since baby #2 is proving to have quite the attitude and temper. Her "terrible twos" are starting a little early I think. Oh plus there's always the joys of teething!

            Does having a difficult, or trying, or exhausting time with one child make me nervous about having a new born so soon, or regret getting pregnant so quickly? Not a all.

Ok, yes I am nervous about having 3 little people dependant on me (and their father) for everything and how will I handle it on days when I am home all alone? But I was nervous going from 0 to 1, from 1 to 2. I think that's only normal, and there is an adjustment period no matter what.

            I am already in the midst of chaos of raising small children, why wait for things to settle down before adding in a new born?

Why wait for all the kids to be out of diapers and fully potty trained just to add a new born and a couple more years of diapers? As much as there are days when I am so tired of poop and I never want to see another diaper again, the diapering stage really doesn't last that long.

Why wait for all the kids to be sleeping through the night, every single night, on their own, just to add a new born that, who, typically, needs to get up in the middle of the night to feed? I am blessed with two children who are good sleepers. Some nights, some weeks, it felt like I would never again get a full night of sleep. Our second daughter started sleeping through the night and on her own much sooner than our first. But then around 9 months she went through a growth spurt and spent about 2-3 weeks getting up every night and ending up in our bed  - yes, we co-sleep!! - and it was so frustrating. Now our baby is 20 months old and has been sleeping in the other room with her sister for a couple months now and has only joined us in bed again a handful of times. And call me crazy, but I am looking forward to having another little one join our family and once again share a room with us. If you're wondering how this affects our marriage and intimacy, don't worry about it, we've obviously figured it out, as this is baby #3, and sharing a room with baby is what works for us - aka, it keeps mommy sane.

I completely understand that not everyone is ready or even able, to have so many kids so close together. Some want more of a space, and that's normal. Some feel they can only handle one or two children, while others seem to thrive with a large family (4 or more kids).

What I don't understand is how people think 1-2 kids is ok, 3 if the first 2 are the same gender, but anything beyond that is just crazy. They don't want to be judged for only having 1 or 2 kids (or no kids at all), yet freely judge you for

having more.

My husband and I didn't set out on our adventures of parenting with a specific number of kids in mind. I knew I always wanted at least 2 kids, and I always liked the idea of having a large family (4+ children). But thinking about how many kids you want when you're a teen/young adult and embarking on that journey of actually having kids are two very different things. 

After our first was born, I totally understood how some people choose to only have one. Babies/kids are hard, exhausting work! But as time went on and we got into the swing of being parents, I totally understood how people could have 5 (or more) children.

After our first turned a year old I said, yes I am ready to have another, I want more kids. A month later I was pregnant and 9 months after that we had our second beautiful daughter! It wasn't long after our second was born that I felt like we were meant to have a third, even if I wasn't sure on the timing.

Most people have assumed that we got pregnant again, and so fast, in hopes of having the long sought after baby boy - like our daughters aren't amazing!! And as the time of delivery approaches nearer and nearer I keep going back and forth on what I'd like the gender to be. But in the end, it doesn't matter. I didn't set out to get pregnant in hopes of having a boy - though having a chance to raise girls and boys and to give our daughters a brother would be nice - I set out to have another baby. And I have to say from the ultrasounds, that's exactly what it looks like :).

People have told us that they hope baby #3 is a boy so that we will stop having kids (how ignorant!).... like it's any of their business how many children we have, or why we choose to continue having children. Will we have a 4th child, regardless of the gender of this one? I have no idea. My husband and I have always taken this one pregnancy and, so far, one baby at a time.

We haven't based the size of our family on what gender our children are. We have been grounded in our faith and we are trusting God with the number of children and the space between children, and we do that by going on how we feel - if we are at peace with having more or are uneasy on the idea. And I trust that if our timing isn't God's timing then we won't get pregnant - as I said earlier I didn't get pregnant this third time around as quickly as I thought I would - or if we're unsure about if we should try, I imagine God is big enough to work around birth control.

            It's our family, it's our income, our house, our sanity, and my physical body - I think that means it's our choice how many children we want, as well as the timing of our children. We want to be surrounded by others, family and friends, that support us, and love us and our family. We want to be around others who understand having more than 2 kids. We want to be around positive people who actually like their own kids - and preferably like our kids too if we're all going to hang out.

We don't need to be told how hard or exhausting it's going to be - it was hard and exhausting with one! We don't need people telling us our life will be over - our life as we know it may be over, but it's really just the opening of a new, exciting chapter in life.

So lets all be a little more loving and positive towards those we meet - rather a stranger in the grocery store struggling with unruly kids, our best friend, an acquaintance and even our own family members. Let's rejoice with them in the blessings of children, no matter the size of their family. Let's be there as a shoulder to cry on when things seem like too much to handle, and let's bring them a meal or baby sit their kids so they can have a break when a new born arrives or everyone in the house is sick.

Children are a tough, exhausting, amazing blessing! Let's keep that in mind no matter what stage in life we are at. 

What Is My Purpose?

For one of the ladies bible study’s I attend, we read through and watched the accompanying videos for, Your Beautiful Purpose - Discovering and Enjoying What God Can Do Through You - by Susie Larson.
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with questions about my identity, worth and purpose. As I am sure almost every person does, male or female, young and old, religious, atheist, or otherwise.
I think we all go on a continuing journey of self discovery. And as we get older and enter new chapters in our lives, our sense of identity, worth and purpose changes.
I think, for me anyway, we tend to look at our outside circumstances as a way of identifying who we are. I am a daughter (Daughter-in-law), a sister (sister-in-law), a niece, a wife, a mother. If we have a job or career, we can find identity in this as well. There are things about these identities that will always be a part of me. I will always be a daughter, even after my parents are gone. If anything were to happen to my brother, I’d still consider myself a sister. No matter what happens to my kids, I will forever be a mother at heart.
There’s also a downfall in gaining our identify solely with outward things. Jobs come and go. Divorce or death of a spouse changes how you would identify. The loss of your parents - though I’d still consider myself a daughter, I’d then also be considered an orphan.
Our outward circumstances are always shifting and changing, sometimes gradually, sometimes very suddenly. We are constantly having to adjust to our new worlds, those involved in them, and how we identify in these new changes. We must be careful where we find our sense of worth, identity and purpose.
Although it seems we are always entering a new chapter or phase in life, and that the only predictable thing in life is, change, I do believe we have an overall purpose for a life. Though there are times when this may change, or be different for a season, I believe there is an underlying purpose that is always the same.
We may be called to serve the less fortunate, but this will look different when we are in high school, newly married, young parents, or retired. At different times in life we will have more money or more time to give to the things that matter the most to us. When we are in high school we may feel called to go on missions trips, but once we are married and starting a family, we may still feel the call to missions but are better able to give financially to support someone else who can go.
I love reading books like Your Beautiful Purpose, because I get this hope that, finally, I will figure out what my purpose is! This book contains 12 chapters and has study questions, that include a short bible study, followed by discussion starters. Though I only made it to 2-3 of the 6 sessions of the actual group study, I actually took the time to go through all the questions at the end of each chapter and thoughtfully and honestly write out my answers.
I enjoyed the read, the questions were thought provoking, and the videos I watched were good. Yet here I am, at the end of it all, sitting here, wondering, what on earth is my purpose? Why am I here? What am I meant to do?
I’ve been sitting in this spot, asking these same questions, time and time again.
Ok, so I am a wife and I am to love and respect my husband. I am also a stay at home mom, so this should be easier, as I have more time to devote to being a help mate, by cooking, cleaning and helping to run the house (note, this does not mean my husband does nothing around the house, just that I have more time than he does, as he works full time).
To be honest, always being respectful and loving is easier said than done, but at least it gives me a goal to aim for. Is this really my sole purpose in life? I doubt it. I think it’s part of my life, and as a Christian wife, the bible calls me to be respectful and loving to my husband, but I believe there is more to my life than that.
I am a mother. God has, so far, entrusted to me two amazing, energetic, challenging, daughters. They challenge me every day, exposing the worst of my character flaws. They challenge me to want to be a better woman, wife and mother. I am suppose to raise these kids by example, and some moments, that’s really, really, really hard.
So part of my purpose is to raise my children to be half decent people in the world. To nurture their God given talents and abilities, to instill in them the best character traits and values that I can, and help them to be hard working, honest, contributing members of society. I am to love them with all I have, even when it’s the hardest thing and a situation calls for some tough love.
However, in the midst of daily life, in the midst of feeling extremely overwhelmed, on the days I can’t even bring myself to get dressed, let alone go conquer the world, when supper is take out again and the laundry is piled high, how am I accomplishing any of my Kingdom Purpose?
As a Christian, I believe God has a purpose for my life. Yes, as Christians, we are called to love God with all our heart, soul and strength, and to love others. We are called to be forgiving, compassionate and merciful. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27 NIV.  
How does all this apply to my life? What does loving others look like in my life? At this moment, I feel like I am barely taking care of myself or my family, and I have no money to give to other ministries. How can I love others, when I can barely even function? How can I bring a meal to someone in need when I am barely feeding my own family? How can I help someone out with free babysitting, when I am barely taking care of my own kids?
How is sitting in my house, in my pjs, kids only in diapers, crying over my laptop, fulfilling any Kingdom Purpose in my life?
How are dirty floors, cluttered countertops, overflowing master bedroom and piles of laundry, involved in my purpose?
As I said, I understand there are different seasons in life, and there are times when we can give more (sometimes time, sometimes money). There are times of waiting on God and times of great blessing and great accomplishment.
For me, however, I find that I am stuck. I may be in a time of waiting, but waiting for what? If I had a purpose, a goal, a dream, a vision, anything, I’d have a better understanding of what to do with my life. There would still be laundry and dishes, dirty floors and messy rooms, but when opportunities arise, if I had a vision or purpose in mind, I’d know what to say yes to and what to say no to. I’d see how and where volunteering what little extra time I have, would play into the large picture for my life. I would know what activities to get myself or my kids involved in, without overwhelming myself and my family, doing things that I think are good or right, without any real meaning or purpose behind them.
I guess, in the end, after it’s all said and done, I am feeling stuck and dry. Stuck where I am now, feeling completely overwhelmed with no hope of it ever changing (though deep down I know this isn’t true, it’s a hard mindset to break away from). And dry, with no dream in my heart, no vision for my future, no overall purpose for my life. I am just living my life, day in and day out, some days are good, others are ok, some terrible. I am trying to make the best out of my life as I can, mostly in survival mode right now. I watch others lives from afar and wish I could do some of the things they are able to do. I envy those who appear to be living life with a purpose, or are, at the very least, from the outside, happy.
I love my husband. I love my children. But I am definitely in a time of questioning and wondering.
What am I here for?

What is my purpose?
Am I where I am suppose to be right now?
If God is real and He still talks to His people today, why do I never personally hear from Him?
Is what I am doing all I am meant to be doing? Or is there more?
What is my purpose?

Why My Husband and I Tried for Another Baby...Not a Boy.

Ok, I maybe just a tiny bit bias here, but my husband and I have 2 of the most amazing daughters ever! They are beautiful, smart, hilarious, exhausting, and energetic and they are teaching me every single day what true love looks like. They stretch me every day, sometimes every hour, they show me my faults and are helping teach me how to be a better person. A better wife, mother, and woman.

Though I always love my children and am constantly amazed by them, there are many days I feel over whelmed. The constant mess in the house, the never ending diaper changes, the screaming, the unending questions, being a human jungle gym and snot rag... and they want to eat... every...single...day... more than once a day! Which I don't understand, because most of the food I give them ends up on the floor anyway.
In the midst of stress, chaos, and messiness, why in the world would we want another one? Why would we even consider the idea of adding to our family so soon?

Most people, ok no, every single person we have told, see our two girls, see the chaos and the mess (or at least hear about it on Facebook) and go "oh you must really want your boy!" "Oh trying for your boy eh?!" "Maybe this time it will be a boy!"
I know some amazing boys/men in the world. My husband, my father, my brother. The sons of my friends. The involved dads I see at church. Boys/men are great. With 4 out of the 6 in our family being female (this is including the dogs), having another boy around would help even things out a little.
But what is it with people assuming the only reason we want a 3rd child is because we must have our boy? (And I know for those families that have just boys, it goes the other way too). Our girls are amazing. I always wanted a boy first and I thought for sure our first would be a boy. Surprise, surprise, our beautiful baby was a girl! And, of course, I couldn't imagine my life without her. She has been my little mini me and my husbands little Princess Hulk since the moment she entered this world.
With our second, I had a strong suspicion it would be another girl. Most people I know have 2 of one gender and the 3rd is the opposite. So I figured, whatever we had first, the next would be the same gender. And I was right.
When my husband and I decided to try for a 3rd, it was because we wanted a baby. Babies are precious. Babies are a gift from God. We love our girls, but our family just didn't feel complete yet. I didn't feel like we were done. And for months now, we have been praying that however God wants to add to our family, He will. That could mean adoption, or another biological baby. It wasn't about boy or girl, but about adding another precious person to our family.

I have to admit, I am nervous about the idea of possibly having a boy. I know that, when baby is born, it won't matter, and like every baby, we'll figure it out as we go. But I have girls, I know girls, I am a girl. Just the other day I heard a story of a boy peeing up his shirt.... ummm... girls don't do that!! Ha-ha. I hear about boys always having their hands down their diapers/pants and feeling/playing with themselves. I know this is perfectly normal, but I am just in girl mode right now (not to say our girls never put their hands down their diapers!). I don't even know how I would handle all the things that come with having a boy, verses a girl. But I fully trust that God will expand our family as He sees fit and if that means we are to welcome a precious baby boy into our arms, then we gladly will.
And, as with our last two pregnancies, we will not find out the gender until the baby is born. Because, it doesn't matter. We were trying for a baby and as long as the ultrasound shows a human baby, we are thrilled. (If it doesn't look like a "human" baby, I will be scared...)
Girls are amazing, precious, and wonderful gifts. Boys are amazing, precious and wonderful gifts. Every baby is a gift. I would love the chance to raise children of both genders, but ultimately I am happy with whatever we have. And I am unwilling to put my hope in any gender. If I sat here hoping for a boy, but it was another girl, how would that shape my feelings towards that precious little girl? Or if I hoped for a girl, how would my feelings change if it was a boy? My girls are precious and this baby, whatever the gender, is precious, and that is all that matters.

Psalm 127:3-5The Message (MSG)

^3-5 Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
    the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
    are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
    with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
    you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.

Emotional Holiday Roller Coasters

It’s that time of year again, when emotions are high, both good and bad.
The Christmas Spirit is in the air and people tend to be more forgiving and generous during this time.
On one hand, people seem more joyful, because, well, it’s Christmas. But on the other hand, they are more stressed, because, well, it’s Christmas.
The holidays bring about many good and bad emotions. Assuming you had a decent childhood, it can bring back fond memories of yearly traditions, along with fun, laughter and joy with family and friends. Or even memories of new, and old traditions, you do with your  family now, and the joy around those.
But if its been a painful, hard year for you, or you  experienced some tragedy around the holidays in the past, it can bring a mix of bittersweet emotions. Maybe a dear friend or relative passed away close to Christmas, or this is your first Christmas without them. The joy of the season is felt, but it’s mixed with the pain, grief, and loss of your loved one. It’s hard to mix old traditions with your new “normal”. You may even feel guilty for being excited, or enjoying the holidays without your loved one there.
Or maybe this Christmas you aren't dealing with the physical loss of a loved one but you’re still experiencing a mixed bag of emotions for other reasons. This is me this year. This Christmas is going to be good but different. I am excited, but I’ve cried at least twice now because of those differences. I am so excited for the differences but saddened too. And it makes my heart ache a little more for those who are grieving this Christmas, since my “griefs” aren’t really that bad.
In the past 7 years of being with my significant other (SO) we have always done Christmas with both his family and mine. My dad, his side of the family and my step mom all live in the same city as my  brother-in-law & his family, so it has been easy to experience Christmas with both families (my MIL & FIL were living in Fort Mcmurray close to us but traveled for Christmas, like us, so we were always together). However, my mom and brother live in another province, and since I moved back to Alberta in 2007, I haven’t shared Christmas with them. This is something I am used to but it is still very hard for me.
This is our 4th year living 5 hours away from my family and in-laws and our 3rd year with having children of our own at Christmas. We have always made the drive down to see our family during this time of year, despite bad weather, driving conditions and a highway that experiences a high number of bad drivers and tragic accidents all throughout the year.
Last year I wanted to stay home and experience a nice, calm, quiet Christmas, in the comfort of our own home. Plus, last year, we had a 6 week old baby and I wasn’t looking forward to traveling. But, because my SO made plans to go snowboarding with a couple of friends he rarely gets to see, we decided to make the trip down and spend Christmas with the family again.
Christmas was wonderful and I am glad we went down, but our trip back ended in disaster and another 3 weeks away from home, including a week in the hospital with our oldest daughter and 3 months without our own vehicle. That accident determined for us, that this year, we would definitely be staying home for the holidays.
And I am so excited for it. I am excited to experience the Christmas Eve service for the first time ever at my home church! I am excited to see my girls get up Christmas morning to see all their gifts under the tree. I can’t wait to do our traditions in our own home, and to actually cook our own Christmas Dinner for the first time ever! And I am glad that, by staying home, we can be a blessing to others in our very own community and volunteer in ways we haven’t been able to in the past.
However, there is that mixed bag of emotions that is going around in me that I was talking about. Not only will I be missing my mom and brother this year, but all of my extended family. We celebrated with my mother and father-in-law in November, and it was a great day and so much fun and I am glad we were able to have that time. But there’s just something about celebrating Christmas with family on Christmas (or at least Christmas Eve or Boxing Day). Being the Fort Mcmurray Mama, I am definitely feeling the isolation of this small town in Northern Alberta. A town that many people come to to work and make money, but rarely is there the support of family close by and people just do not come up very often to visit you. Cost, a deadly highway, and the remoteness of this city tend to keep people away. And I feel that some people figure that you will come to whatever city they are in anyway, so you can visit than. I completely understand not wanting to spend the money on gas (& hotel if needed) to drive 5 hours on a highway that has a tragic accident almost every week, especially during the winter, around the holidays. This year, even we are not doing it. But because of this, I am feeling the isolation and the mixed emotions of not getting to see family. I really, really, really, want to be home for the holidays this year. Really...I do! I don’t want the stress of traveling with two young kids, and despite the Fort Mcmurray wages, we cannot afford 3 return plane tickets out of here (for a safer traveling option). But then I think of my grandparents… I lost my maternal grandma when I was just 9 years old, and I miss her desperately. Life is precious, family is important, and you just don’t know how much time you have. My maternal grandfather is still around but he lives in another province and travels so much, we rarely get to see him. My paternal grandparents both live in Edmonton and we get to see them when we travel there, and I am so thankful for that, but I am sad knowing we will not spend Christmas together this year. My oldest darling daughter (DD) absolutely loves spending time with her cousins, and it breaks my heart that we live so far apart and she doesn't get to experience having cousins that live close by that she can see on a regular basis. Especially around the holidays.  And I so desperately wanted my children to have a close relationship with their grandparents, while I had the support of my parents & in-laws (but that is for another blog). All of these feelings of being isolated and missing my family are all coming to a head this Christmas season and I feel like an emotional basket case.
So, that’s my life right now. A roller coaster of emotions. I know Christmas is going to be fantastic and it’s my favorite time of year, I am just wrestling with all these emotions.
I pray that whether this Christmas is a tough one for you and your family, or a joyous occasion filled with family, that you will feel the Spirit of Christmas and you will find peace and hope.
Let us not forget those who are suffering this Christmas- grieving the loss of a loved one, struggling to make ends meet, those suffering from loneliness and depression, and even those who don’t have a home for Christmas.
God bless you.
Thank you for reading.

Drowning

Ever feel like you're drowning? Like you’re treading water but not really getting anywhere. You can just keep your head above water, barely at times, but that’s about it. Maybe even your brain feels like mush and you cannot think clearly. If your thought is interrupted at all, you will lose it. Simple, everyday words, escape your memory. You’re frustrated because you give a long pause trying to think of what it is you wanted to say, then you are interrupted due to that long pause, resulting in your train of thought being completely derailed?
I know I cannot be the only one out there who does feel or has felt like this at times.
I am at a loss for what to do. I have heard of pregnancy/baby brain, but my baby is 13 months old now!
Things that can be tiresome to anyone, things that we all have to deal with, daily, just seem so overwhelming. I have 2 kids in diapers...poop happens! Sometimes too many times a day. It’s a part of life, and although at times it feels like it’ll never end, I know there is an end to the diaper changing days. At least, there should be! Why does it feel like too much?

We are so incredibly blessed here, and I am so thankful for everything I have. I love that I have a dishwasher, and that the never ending pile of dishes doesn’t need to be washed by hand. Yet I still find myself overwhelmed with the amount of dishes in our house. Even the clean ones! I think it’s a case of too many choices, too much clutter and an inability to find enough space to properly put away everything. As well as broken drawers (which will thankfully be fixed tomorrow!).
I am so grateful to have clean running water and a working washer and dryer (or in the case of a break down the money to replace them). I am grateful that I do not need to wash my clothes by hand or hang them from a line, especially during these long, cold winters. Washing and drying the clothes is relatively easy, it’s the folding that gets me… why is this part so tiring? Why must I always procrastinate to the point of being completely overwhelmed with the amount of laundry that needs to be folded?
I am so thankful that we have garbage and recycling pick up right in front of our homes, every single week. I know someone living right here in Canada that does not get garbage pick up! Hashtag First World Problems, Am I Right!? Why do I get so overwhelmed by the seemingly endless bags of trash and diaper genie bags? I know I don’t fill up the trash as much as larger families, and we are a family of 4 with, as I mentioned earlier, 2 little ones going through lots of diapers. It’s not like the amount of garbage surprises me (which truthfully really isn’t that much), just on days I am already feeling overwhelmed, the full garbage under the sink is just one more thing on my over taxed brain.

I am so very grateful to have a new, safe, warm vehicle, with remote start, front and rear heating and even heated seats. I am so very blessed. But some days, leaving the house and dealing with 2 very active little ones, complete with non stop talking and at times temper tantrums, when feeling so very tired, just feels like more than I can handle. But then the thought of being stuck inside the house with these high energy little ones seems even more stressful than the stress of taking them out of the house. There are times it is a daily battle in my mind whether or not I should leave the house.
I am so overwhelmed, the thought of a structured schedule sounds like an amazing idea, but the thought of putting one together seems like more than I can mentally and even physically do. It’s like a budget, you know you should do one and live by one, but it’s so much more convenient to just spend the money when it comes in wherever you can. Or a diet, we all know we need to eat healthier and that it will make us feel better, but that chocolate, bag of chips, (insert tempting food here), is so much easier to grab for, and even temporarily satisfactory.
I know I desperately need a routine but at the same time the thought of a routine makes me feel trapped. I so badly want a daily quiet time with God. I want to get up before my kids with enough time to do hair and makeup (on days I want to do it), time to read my bible and possibly work on a bible study, and time to eat a real, proper breakfast (I just can’t survive on a few cookies, handful of junk food or a slice of Mocha Bread), AND get my kids dressed and feed them a decent breakfast.
I have always been a night person and prefer to stay up until 1-2am and sleep until 10am but life generally warrants you to be a morning person. And, surprisingly this has nothing to do with having kids. Some kids will be morning people, definitely, but when the parents are not morning people, I have found (With my 2 kids so far), that means you can have non morning kids too. Having kids that sleep in late in the mornings, is a blessing and a curse. It’s great when you’re tired and just need that extra sleep, but it’s tough when you need to be out the door 1-1.5 hours earlier than your kids normally wake up.

Being a mom of two young girls means that, most of the time, my house is a disaster. And my complete lack of being able to keep anything organized, is another thing adding stress to my everyday life. I understand that there will be dishes left in the sink and toys on the floor, but my entire life I have never been good at keeping things neat and tidy (I totally blame my parents for this, who are both neat freaks! Love you guys :) <3 ). I lose things constantly. Important things, even things I use on a daily basis. I have organization contains, files, etc, but it just doesn’t seem to help. Who has the time? When I do have free time I want to be doing something more fun, like knitting, than going through papers.
I have asthma, just ask my husband how many times I misplace my inhaler (daily!). We had to order new health cards for my daughter… got them, lost them. I can’t find the beautiful locket my husband bought me for Christmas 4 years ago (at the moment this one has me the most upset). I know the solution to these many problems and stresses I face seems blatantly obvious to most people. I know how easy it is for others to tell me what I should do, or what has helped them. I know that these stresses could easily be fixed. But for me, it doesn’t seem easy at all. The organization and cleaning tips seem easy, quick, and so helpful, yet I just get frustrated, upset, and overwhelmed.

Too many people have a pristine looking home, with kids expertly groomed and behaving like angels, marriages that seem perfect, and fairy tale looking lives, while on the inside they are falling apart. They wear the mask but they are crumbling on the inside. I won’t say that I am completely honest, 100% of the time. I can’t say I never wear a mask, even unknowingly at times. I can’t say that I don’t try to impress others. I won’t say that I don’t worry about what others think of me, because I do. But my outside world is pretty much a reflection of what my inside world looks and feels like. A mess. Chaotic. Hectic. Stressful. Overwhelming. What you see is what you get, which is a good thing. I just wish I had a better handle on things!

My Daughter is Not Mad at Me!!

The other day I was laying out on my stomach, reading my book while my toddler was playing and my 8 month old DD (darling daughter) was crawling and climbing all over me while laughing. The first thought I had was “she’s not mad at me”, quickly followed by “I thought she was mad at me!”.
Let me start from the beginning…
When I was home during the day, before bed and first thing in the morning, I would nurse my DD but if I was out of the house, or after my husband came home from work, she would get a bottle. Some days she might get 1 to 2 bottles and other days most of her milk intake would be from a bottle (I was never able to pump a lot). My DD has a healthy appetite, and since starting food and having formula she seemed to be weaning herself off of breast feeding. During the hot summer days this didn’t bother me but I still enjoyed the morning and night feeding, and with my first DD I went 13 months breast feeding, and planned on going at least a year with this baby as well. Then, suddenly, my DD just decided she was done with nursing and wanted nothing more to do with it. She would arch her back, kick her legs, turn her head away, and start crying and getting really mad. I tried to push it a couple times, and she bit me!! So I gave up and figured that she was just through with breast feeding, and being just under 9 months old, I knew she would be on cows milk soon enough. (Thankfully for me, she had slowly been weaning herself off up until this point, so I wasn’t left in agony as my body adjusted to this sudden drop in demand).
I was frustrated, however, with this cranky baby (who may or may not be teething), who at times didn’t want breast or bottle, and sometimes just wanted to be held and rocked. And at times, I get frustrated, because, she wants to be held, but at the same time she wants to crawl, climb, pull herself up, and just play. Oh, but don’t let her down or she’ll get very upset!!
I didn’t realise I was hurt, upset and frustrated with my DD until that moment on the floor with her laughing while crawling and climbing all over me. The thought “she’s not mad at me!” made me realise that, for some reason, I thought she was mad at me and that’s why she had stopped breast feeding. But in reality, I guess she just outgrew it faster than I was expecting, and the frustration came from me trying to force it, more than from her stopping.
I believe, for me anyway, a lot of the frustrations that come with parenting is expecting your kids to act more mature, or grown up, than they really are. You forget that they are just 2 years old and this is how 2 year olds act. You forget that, typically, your baby isn’t doing these things specifically to annoy you, they are just being a baby. I have to continually remind myself that “This is normal”, “she’s only 2.5/8months”, “this is just a stage”, “she really doesn’t know any better”.
Yes, you’ve told your child a 100 times not to do this, not to do that, to clean up their toys, to put their dishes in the sink, whatever it may be. Yes, you think “they know better!”, you believe “they should know this by now”, but in reality they need reminders. Even us adults need reminders from time to time.
I think we need to give our kids a little slack. Instead of becoming so frustrated that you have to remind them yet again to do this or that, or not do that, we must take a deep breath and relax!
Parenting is hard, exhausting work, and it takes a lot of time, patience, and repetition to train up our children in the way they should go. Yes, sometimes it’s tempting to let that thing slide, that thing you know is wrong, that thing you’ve told your child not to do 100 times and figure it doesn’t matter if you let it go this once. Yes, sometimes laziness seems like your best friend. But we all know that we need to repeat ourselves as many times and in as many ways as we can until our kids get it. We need to be reminded that it’s normal that our kids need to be reminded. I strive to train up my children in the way God is training me up: with unending patience, unconditional love, oceans of grace, loving correction, and gentle reminders. Have I perfected this? NO!! Am I always patient, loving and gentle? Sadly, I am far from it. But I keep going, keep trying, and most importantly, I keep praying. As God is with me and teaching me, I become a better parent and can raise my children better as well.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NIV)

Let Go and Let Dad

Please keep in mind that this note is written from the perspective of a stay at home mom with a full time working husband. In a lot of families both parents work and in some families the dad stays home and the mom works. I am speaking from the point of view of a married couple. I am speaking from my own experience.


Today I was out of the house from 5:30am till 9pm. My husband had to watch our 2.5 year old and 8 month old. All day. By himself.
Was I worried about our 2 darling daughters being at home all day with their dad. NOPE! No way! Why would I be? I was more worried that our 8 month old would be cranky and not settle for him, than I was about the girls. But even I have to deal with a cranky baby and 2 year old tantrums, and I survive, mostly, so I know my husband will as well.
Did I text and check up on him and the girls? YES! Of course I did, they are my babies, and my hubby, and I love them all and I want to know what is going on during the day!
I hate how society in general, makes jokes at the expense of fathers and their abilities in parenting their own children. I didn't need to toddler proof or "man proof" the house before leaving my husband and children all day. When my husband goes to work and is gone from 5:45am till 8:30pm, he believes and trusts that he is leaving his precious children in the capable, loving, caring hands of their mother. He texts or calls once in awhile during the day to check in and see how things are going, or to wish me well, especially when one or both of the girls have been extra difficult lately. When I leave my husband with the kids, whether it's for half an hour or half the day, I know I am leaving them in the loving, capable, caring hands of their father.
Now I am alone with the kids more often and I do take care of their outfits each day and I plan most of the meals (though when my husband does cook, he's very good at it). And he can pick out their outfits, of course, I just like to. So this morning before I left, I made sure to set out the girls outfits, and I put a bottle of formula beside the bed to make things a little easier for my husband. It had nothing to do with whether or not I thought he was capable of doing it, I was just trying to be thoughtful and nice.
Just because dads don't do things the way moms do them does not mean they are not good or capable of taking care of their kids. It will be different than what you do but it's not better or worse. In the typical household the moms stay home while the dads work. This means the mom is responsible for the majority of care for the kids, including bathing, feeding, dressing and educational activities. With the little time dads get to spend with their kids they want to have fun and enjoy their time together. This doesn't necessarily mean that all rules go out the window (or at least it shouldn't mean that) but it usually means that dads aren't going to be as mindful of things like having fruits and veggies as part of every meal and snack, or of giving them water even though they are asking for juice for the 100th time. Instead of quiet/nap time in their room, they may relax for an hour (or maybe 3) watching tv or playing video games. Instead of venturing out to the park or reading books, they may stay home and build forts in the living room. And you know what? That's ok! The kids will survive. The kids will have a blast. The kids will have memories to last a life time.
This may be irritating if mom has to be the "bad/mean parent" and tell the kids to go brush their teeth and get ready for bed, which they should've done an hour ago, especially if it seems that this happens a lot. There needs to be a balance and if dad is watching the kids all on his own, for long periods of time, often enough, than it can't be all fun and games all the time. Discipline and rules still need to be in place. One parent shouldn't be the "bad/mean/boring" parent all the time while the other one gets to be the "fun/lax" parent all the time. Both parents need to stand together in the discipline and rules, and both parents need to learn how to relax and just have fun with their kids.
Moms, we need to let go of our idea of "perfect" or "right" and know that our kids will be safe with their dads. And if you let go, and let dad, a little more often, he may just surprise you. And don't get mad if the kids praise dad for how much fun he is, leaving you feeling like the only one doing any work, or the only one keeping the rules. Your kids love you. They spend the majority of their time with you. You are familiar to them. This is a good thing. Kids thrive in that kind of environment. Your kids need rules, limitations, boundaries, routine, discipline, and familiarity. But they also need to let loose, have fun and relax.
Kids need their moms and their dads (this is assuming both parents are mentally healthy and not abusive). They need what both mom and dad bring to the table. They need the male and female influence. Kids need days with daddy. Moms need to "let go and let dad" and stop worrying about what is or is not going to happen. One day isn't going to harm anyone.
Remember when your husband goes off to work every day he leaves his kids in your care and trusts that you will take the best care of them that you can. Why don't you treat him the same way and trust him?