Please keep
in mind that this note is written from the perspective of a stay at home mom
with a full time working husband. In a lot of families both parents work and in
some families the dad stays home and the mom works. I am speaking from the
point of view of a married couple. I am speaking from my own experience.
Today I was out of the house from5:30am till 9pm . My husband had to watch our 2.5
year old and 8 month old. All day. By himself.
Was I worried about our 2 darling daughters being at home all day with their dad. NOPE! No way! Why would I be? I was more worried that our 8 month old would be cranky and not settle for him, than I was about the girls. But even I have to deal with a cranky baby and 2 year old tantrums, and I survive, mostly, so I know my husband will as well.
Did I text and check up on him and the girls? YES! Of course I did, they are my babies, and my hubby, and I love them all and I want to know what is going on during the day!
I hate how society in general, makes jokes at the expense of fathers and their abilities in parenting their own children. I didn't need to toddler proof or "man proof" the house before leaving my husband and children all day. When my husband goes to work and is gone from5:45am till 8:30pm , he believes and trusts that he is
leaving his precious children in the capable, loving, caring hands of their
mother. He texts or calls once in awhile during the day to check in and see how
things are going, or to wish me well, especially when one or both of the girls
have been extra difficult lately. When I leave my husband with the kids,
whether it's for half an hour or half the day, I know I am leaving them in the
loving, capable, caring hands of their father.
Now I am alone with the kids more often and I do take care of their outfits each day and I plan most of the meals (though when my husband does cook, he's very good at it). And he can pick out their outfits, of course, I just like to. So this morning before I left, I made sure to set out the girls outfits, and I put a bottle of formula beside the bed to make things a little easier for my husband. It had nothing to do with whether or not I thought he was capable of doing it, I was just trying to be thoughtful and nice.
Just because dads don't do things the way moms do them does not mean they are not good or capable of taking care of their kids. It will be different than what you do but it's not better or worse. In the typical household the moms stay home while the dads work. This means the mom is responsible for the majority of care for the kids, including bathing, feeding, dressing and educational activities. With the little time dads get to spend with their kids they want to have fun and enjoy their time together. This doesn't necessarily mean that all rules go out the window (or at least it shouldn't mean that) but it usually means that dads aren't going to be as mindful of things like having fruits and veggies as part of every meal and snack, or of giving them water even though they are asking for juice for the 100th time. Instead of quiet/nap time in their room, they may relax for an hour (or maybe 3) watching tv or playing video games. Instead of venturing out to the park or reading books, they may stay home and build forts in the living room. And you know what? That's ok! The kids will survive. The kids will have a blast. The kids will have memories to last a life time.
This may be irritating if mom has to be the "bad/mean parent" and tell the kids to go brush their teeth and get ready for bed, which they should've done an hour ago, especially if it seems that this happens a lot. There needs to be a balance and if dad is watching the kids all on his own, for long periods of time, often enough, than it can't be all fun and games all the time. Discipline and rules still need to be in place. One parent shouldn't be the "bad/mean/boring" parent all the time while the other one gets to be the "fun/lax" parent all the time. Both parents need to stand together in the discipline and rules, and both parents need to learn how to relax and just have fun with their kids.
Moms, we need to let go of our idea of "perfect" or "right" and know that our kids will be safe with their dads. And if you let go, and let dad, a little more often, he may just surprise you. And don't get mad if the kids praise dad for how much fun he is, leaving you feeling like the only one doing any work, or the only one keeping the rules. Your kids love you. They spend the majority of their time with you. You are familiar to them. This is a good thing. Kids thrive in that kind of environment. Your kids need rules, limitations, boundaries, routine, discipline, and familiarity. But they also need to let loose, have fun and relax.
Kids need their moms and their dads (this is assuming both parents are mentally healthy and not abusive). They need what both mom and dad bring to the table. They need the male and female influence. Kids need days with daddy. Moms need to "let go and let dad" and stop worrying about what is or is not going to happen. One day isn't going to harm anyone.
Remember when your husband goes off to work every day he leaves his kids in your care and trusts that you will take the best care of them that you can. Why don't you treat him the same way and trust him?
Today I was out of the house from
Was I worried about our 2 darling daughters being at home all day with their dad. NOPE! No way! Why would I be? I was more worried that our 8 month old would be cranky and not settle for him, than I was about the girls. But even I have to deal with a cranky baby and 2 year old tantrums, and I survive, mostly, so I know my husband will as well.
Did I text and check up on him and the girls? YES! Of course I did, they are my babies, and my hubby, and I love them all and I want to know what is going on during the day!
I hate how society in general, makes jokes at the expense of fathers and their abilities in parenting their own children. I didn't need to toddler proof or "man proof" the house before leaving my husband and children all day. When my husband goes to work and is gone from
Now I am alone with the kids more often and I do take care of their outfits each day and I plan most of the meals (though when my husband does cook, he's very good at it). And he can pick out their outfits, of course, I just like to. So this morning before I left, I made sure to set out the girls outfits, and I put a bottle of formula beside the bed to make things a little easier for my husband. It had nothing to do with whether or not I thought he was capable of doing it, I was just trying to be thoughtful and nice.
Just because dads don't do things the way moms do them does not mean they are not good or capable of taking care of their kids. It will be different than what you do but it's not better or worse. In the typical household the moms stay home while the dads work. This means the mom is responsible for the majority of care for the kids, including bathing, feeding, dressing and educational activities. With the little time dads get to spend with their kids they want to have fun and enjoy their time together. This doesn't necessarily mean that all rules go out the window (or at least it shouldn't mean that) but it usually means that dads aren't going to be as mindful of things like having fruits and veggies as part of every meal and snack, or of giving them water even though they are asking for juice for the 100th time. Instead of quiet/nap time in their room, they may relax for an hour (or maybe 3) watching tv or playing video games. Instead of venturing out to the park or reading books, they may stay home and build forts in the living room. And you know what? That's ok! The kids will survive. The kids will have a blast. The kids will have memories to last a life time.
This may be irritating if mom has to be the "bad/mean parent" and tell the kids to go brush their teeth and get ready for bed, which they should've done an hour ago, especially if it seems that this happens a lot. There needs to be a balance and if dad is watching the kids all on his own, for long periods of time, often enough, than it can't be all fun and games all the time. Discipline and rules still need to be in place. One parent shouldn't be the "bad/mean/boring" parent all the time while the other one gets to be the "fun/lax" parent all the time. Both parents need to stand together in the discipline and rules, and both parents need to learn how to relax and just have fun with their kids.
Moms, we need to let go of our idea of "perfect" or "right" and know that our kids will be safe with their dads. And if you let go, and let dad, a little more often, he may just surprise you. And don't get mad if the kids praise dad for how much fun he is, leaving you feeling like the only one doing any work, or the only one keeping the rules. Your kids love you. They spend the majority of their time with you. You are familiar to them. This is a good thing. Kids thrive in that kind of environment. Your kids need rules, limitations, boundaries, routine, discipline, and familiarity. But they also need to let loose, have fun and relax.
Kids need their moms and their dads (this is assuming both parents are mentally healthy and not abusive). They need what both mom and dad bring to the table. They need the male and female influence. Kids need days with daddy. Moms need to "let go and let dad" and stop worrying about what is or is not going to happen. One day isn't going to harm anyone.
Remember when your husband goes off to work every day he leaves his kids in your care and trusts that you will take the best care of them that you can. Why don't you treat him the same way and trust him?
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