Passionless

Lately I have been feeling passionless... Like I have no goals, dreams, aspirations. Obviously there are things I want to do in my life, but I just feel.. blah. I know that being a stay at home mom is an extremely important role, but with only 2 kids there is the idea of do I go back to work when my baby is a year old (less than 5 short months from now) or do I continue being a stay at home mom (we plan on having more kids)? If I go back to work I would be going back to working in a daycare. I love the staff, the children, the job isn't a bad job, but I wouldn't say it is my passion either. I have never really had a passion when it comes to work. I have worked fast food, cashier at a grocery store and Toys R Us, in a dry cleaners, and in 2 daycare's. So far, I would say I have enjoyed working with children and I do like some cashier work, but I would love to find a job I am truly passionate about. Than on the other hand, I figure I won't be working for very long since I am at the "having babies" stage of life.
I guess what I really want, is that as my girls get older, I want them to look up to me as a great example. Not just a great  mother (which is my #1 priority) but as someone who had dreams and passion, and followed after those. A strong woman who didn't lose her identity in her kids or in motherhood, but that was made stronger in motherhood. I want to be someone who is on fire and passionate for God and chasing hard after whatever He has in store for me. I guess that's another problem...what in the world does God have in store for me? Why am I here? What is my purpose? Am I just meant to be a mom and stay home to raise up strong, passionate, compassionate, daughters (and maybe even sons)? Or is there more for me out there? How do I raise up passionate children if I can't find my own passion?  I do not want to miss what it is God has planned for my life. Maybe that's my biggest fear in all of this; somehow missing "it", whatever "it" is.
I understand that I am to love my neighbour, and I understand that that means everyone I come into contact with every day, and even those in far off countries. It means listening to a friend in need, serving at the soup kitchen, volunteering for Sunday School, and even donating money to charities that are serving in ways I never could. Is it my job just to do the "little" things that may seem meaningless in the eyes of society, or am I made to do "greater" things? We are all part of a body, and every part is important, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. I guess, I am just really searching to know what part of the body I am. Am I an eye? Ear? Hand? Foot? Fingernail? Lord, whichever part you have prepared me for, may I fulfill my duty fully and joyfully. May I never miss the opportunities you have divinely set before me on this path of life.
I know we are not all created to be in the spotlight, and I do not think I am made for the spotlight myself. At least not at this time in my life, who knows with God, right? Right now I know that I want the applause and praise of men more than doing it "unto the Lord" and as long as I am getting the spotlight and not God, nothing will be going on in my life. I know I need to be humble and lean on God for everything, every day.
I think sitting down and writing this out over the past couple weeks has helped me to know why I am feeling the way I am feeling. I am not seeking my identity in Christ, but in worldly things, and it's more about me than it is about Christ. Lord, may You show me who I am in You. May I gain my identity in You and not in this world.

Thank you all for reading my ramblings.

God Bless.

1 Corinthians 12:12

New International Version (NIV)

Unity and Diversity in the Body

¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.