News of
Josh Duggar sexually molesting 5 young girls 13 years ago hit the fan while I
was on vacation with my family. I read the articles as they came up and after
getting back home, I bought and read the magazines. I kept up with the news,
because anyone who knows me, knows I love the Duggars, but I have, for the most
part, refrained from saying anything. I have been thinking about it since May,
but haven't fully worked out what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it, I
have been busy, and I have been lazy when it comes to writing.
Now, 2 months later, it seems like all the hype over the Duggars has settled. TLC has decided to cancel the show, and that's that. Everyone has moved on with their lives, complaining about a dentist and a lion, which will also blow over in a week or so.
When it comes to the lives of the rich and famous, things are interesting for about 5 minutes, then we all move on.
Now, 2 months later, it seems like all the hype over the Duggars has settled. TLC has decided to cancel the show, and that's that. Everyone has moved on with their lives, complaining about a dentist and a lion, which will also blow over in a week or so.
When it comes to the lives of the rich and famous, things are interesting for about 5 minutes, then we all move on.
I had heard about the Duggars
before, and when I was younger I watched
the one hour TLC special and I think it was 14 Kids and Counting at that time.
I never kept up with them, until last year I saw their show on Netflix and got
totally hooked.
I know it's
TV, I know that even though it's "reality" we don't see everything,
but I loved how humble all of them seemed to be, I admired their strong
convictions that they appeared to be living by, and I loved how well everyone
seemed to get along (that's definitely "reality" TV right there). I
have even read the book the 4 oldest girls wrote - Growing Up Duggar - and I
have a copy of the book the parents wrote, but haven't gotten to reading it
yet.
I saw the relationship between Jim Bob
and Michelle and loved how much they are in love after all these years and all
these children, especially when it feels like all you hear about and see are
exhausted, exasperated parents that barely have time to talk to each other - or
all the divorce you see both in Hollywood and in your own neighbourhood. Sure,
we are getting a peek into the Duggars life after 14+ children - we aren't
seeing the early year struggles, juggling 4 or 5 young kids running around. We
are seeing them after a few years of figuring things out, with the buddy system
and chore jurisdictions, and with the older kids able to help with the younger
ones.
I saw the relationship between the oldest sisters and, honestly, was jealous. I never had a sister and always wanted a relationship like that. I watched as Jill and Derek courted and got married, as well as Jessa and Ben, and I saw the wedding preparations and everything and I cried. I want that kind of relationship with other women - blood sisters or not. I want wedding makeovers and the help of sisters/friends to decorate my house. The joy of trying on wedding and bridesmaids dresses, and shopping for wedding supplies or things for the house. Sure, it wouldn't be like the Duggars with 20 other people able to come help do renos or decorate, but I see the closeness and I just so want that.
I do not agree with all of the Duggars views, but I respect their convictions and how they model it for their kids. They want their kids to have servant attitudes and they take them on missions trips to help others, and look for ways to serve in their own city as well as cities they visit and being servants in their own home in helping out others. The kids respect and honour the parents and there is a respect for authority and elders in all the kids, even between the younger kids towards the older kids and vice versa.
And I love how much they love and cherish children and see them as a blessing instead of a burden. As I said, I don't agree with all of the Duggar views and I am definitely not against birth control and having the ability to choose the size of your family and the gap between kids. I figure if you want 2 kids but God wants you to have 3, He can work around birth control. There is also something called free will! But birth control and family size debates aside, I just love their view on children and how much joy they seem to have as a family. And viewers of the show watched the Duggars walk through some pretty big challenges, like the premature birth of their 19th baby, Josie, and the loss of baby 20, Jubilee. Watching them all come together to help and support one another as they walked through those difficult times was awesome. There are days I feel so over whelmed with 2 small kids and being pregnant and feel like I don't even have help to get the toys picked up or the floors washed - yet here's this family with built in help of all kinds. I want my family to be like that. We are not the Duggars, we aren't meant to be the Duggars and we don't plan on having 19 kids, but I do want to model some of our family goals and values after what I have seen in that show.
I saw the relationship between the oldest sisters and, honestly, was jealous. I never had a sister and always wanted a relationship like that. I watched as Jill and Derek courted and got married, as well as Jessa and Ben, and I saw the wedding preparations and everything and I cried. I want that kind of relationship with other women - blood sisters or not. I want wedding makeovers and the help of sisters/friends to decorate my house. The joy of trying on wedding and bridesmaids dresses, and shopping for wedding supplies or things for the house. Sure, it wouldn't be like the Duggars with 20 other people able to come help do renos or decorate, but I see the closeness and I just so want that.
I do not agree with all of the Duggars views, but I respect their convictions and how they model it for their kids. They want their kids to have servant attitudes and they take them on missions trips to help others, and look for ways to serve in their own city as well as cities they visit and being servants in their own home in helping out others. The kids respect and honour the parents and there is a respect for authority and elders in all the kids, even between the younger kids towards the older kids and vice versa.
And I love how much they love and cherish children and see them as a blessing instead of a burden. As I said, I don't agree with all of the Duggar views and I am definitely not against birth control and having the ability to choose the size of your family and the gap between kids. I figure if you want 2 kids but God wants you to have 3, He can work around birth control. There is also something called free will! But birth control and family size debates aside, I just love their view on children and how much joy they seem to have as a family. And viewers of the show watched the Duggars walk through some pretty big challenges, like the premature birth of their 19th baby, Josie, and the loss of baby 20, Jubilee. Watching them all come together to help and support one another as they walked through those difficult times was awesome. There are days I feel so over whelmed with 2 small kids and being pregnant and feel like I don't even have help to get the toys picked up or the floors washed - yet here's this family with built in help of all kinds. I want my family to be like that. We are not the Duggars, we aren't meant to be the Duggars and we don't plan on having 19 kids, but I do want to model some of our family goals and values after what I have seen in that show.
So now it's out, the Duggars aren't as
perfect as they seem - though they never did claim to be perfect.
You look up to this family and now it comes out that one of them is a sexual offender - which in the eyes of the world is pretty much the biggest sin you can commit. The worst of the worst - not just a sexual offender, but molesting under age girls (though I would add, Josh was also under age. Not saying he wasn't old enough to know better, just that he was also underage). The events surrounding the molestations are questionable. How soon, exactly, after Josh went and confessed to his parents about what was going on, did they do something about it? And what exactly did they do? Was counselling for Josh, as well as the girls, immediate? Or was it months, even years later? Was it voluntary? Or court mandated? And, exactly, what help did Josh receive? And did it help? Is he rehabilitated or is he a threat to his own children, or other young women?
You look up to this family and now it comes out that one of them is a sexual offender - which in the eyes of the world is pretty much the biggest sin you can commit. The worst of the worst - not just a sexual offender, but molesting under age girls (though I would add, Josh was also under age. Not saying he wasn't old enough to know better, just that he was also underage). The events surrounding the molestations are questionable. How soon, exactly, after Josh went and confessed to his parents about what was going on, did they do something about it? And what exactly did they do? Was counselling for Josh, as well as the girls, immediate? Or was it months, even years later? Was it voluntary? Or court mandated? And, exactly, what help did Josh receive? And did it help? Is he rehabilitated or is he a threat to his own children, or other young women?
These are
all questions we'll never really have the answers too - when it comes to the rich
and famous, to reality TV families, it's hard to know what's 100% fact and what
isn't. Even in our everyday, "normal", not famous, families, the
events surrounding something like this can be remembered and interpreted
differently by each person involved. And of course, everyone wants to paint the
picture in the best possible light.
When I think about all that has come
out about the Duggars, I have many different thoughts. I am first saddened by
the entire thing and I am saddened for all people involved.
In the news, all I heard about was the wrong Jim Bob and Michelle did - which was apparently everything. I never heard anyone say "what would I do in that situation?". As a mother of two young girls, I have no idea how I would handle this situation. Josh was their son and he violated and hurt their daughters. How do you even begin to process and handle that? On one hand, you want to protect your daughters, on the other hand you want to help your son. How do you do both while still keeping the family "together" (and I don't mean not removing the offender from the household for a time). It's easy to hate a sexual predator, we all look at pedophiles and rapists as the lowest of the low. But what if that person was your own child? We all want sexual predators to pay for their crimes, and they should, but would you feel any differently if that predator was your own child and it was up to you to go to the authorities? Wouldn't you want to work with consolers and professionals to help your child?
In the news, all I heard about was the wrong Jim Bob and Michelle did - which was apparently everything. I never heard anyone say "what would I do in that situation?". As a mother of two young girls, I have no idea how I would handle this situation. Josh was their son and he violated and hurt their daughters. How do you even begin to process and handle that? On one hand, you want to protect your daughters, on the other hand you want to help your son. How do you do both while still keeping the family "together" (and I don't mean not removing the offender from the household for a time). It's easy to hate a sexual predator, we all look at pedophiles and rapists as the lowest of the low. But what if that person was your own child? We all want sexual predators to pay for their crimes, and they should, but would you feel any differently if that predator was your own child and it was up to you to go to the authorities? Wouldn't you want to work with consolers and professionals to help your child?
It's easy for us to judge and say we'd
do this or that in any given situation, but until you're right in the midst of
it, you really have no idea how you'll react. It's easy for us to look back 13
years and say, they did this wrong and that wrong, but I often think, maybe
they did what they felt was best at that time. We're all human, and we all make
mistakes, and looking back I bet there's lots of things we wish we had done, or
handled, differently. But we live and learn and hopefully if we're ever faced
with a similar situation in the future, we'll be better equipped to handle it.
I am saddened that this family, along
with so many others around the world, have had to and are dealing with
something like this - it's tragic.
I am a little confused as to why they can release records of minors, like this, all over the news - even if it's redacted, being a famous family, it's easy for us to assume who the victims were. At least a decade after they figured all of this had been cleared up and it's all dug back up and put out into the open for everyone to judge and criticize. I feel bad for the girls, who may (or may not) have healed from these wounds and moved on in their lives, now having to relive it all again and this time in front of the cameras.
I am a little confused as to why they can release records of minors, like this, all over the news - even if it's redacted, being a famous family, it's easy for us to assume who the victims were. At least a decade after they figured all of this had been cleared up and it's all dug back up and put out into the open for everyone to judge and criticize. I feel bad for the girls, who may (or may not) have healed from these wounds and moved on in their lives, now having to relive it all again and this time in front of the cameras.
And I wonder about forgiveness. For the most part, I see no forgiveness
surrounding this story or towards this family. Everyone is mad - and rightfully
so - but they make it seem that Josh has committed the unforgivable sin, when
in fact, he has not. I believe a lot of people look at this family and think
that the Duggars are trying to come off as "perfect" and as
Christians who can do no wrong. I never got that from watching the show, but I
can see how others could view them that way. When you live in a way that is so
counter cultural, you draw a lot of criticism.
I never felt like they were trying to hide this from the world, in my mind,
they probably figured it was dealt with and there was no reason for it to come
out - everyone makes mistakes, you repent, you do what you can to make it right
and you move on.
I think we can all learn a lot
from this horrible situation - how to not handle the situation, things that can
be done differently, etc - as well as learn a lesson on forgiveness.
The bible tells us who will no inherit the Kingdom of God
1 Corinthians 6:9-11(NIV)
9 Or do you not
know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God kingdom of God
This list includes the sexually immoral right along with thieves, the greedy and drunkards. What Josh did was wrong, there's no denying that, but his wrong isn't any worse than my wrong. In the eyes of the world, in the eyes of the law, Josh's wrongs are much worse than mine. But in the eyes of God, I am no better off.
This list includes the sexually immoral right along with thieves, the greedy and drunkards. What Josh did was wrong, there's no denying that, but his wrong isn't any worse than my wrong. In the eyes of the world, in the eyes of the law, Josh's wrongs are much worse than mine. But in the eyes of God, I am no better off.
Rather big or small, we all make mistakes and we all need forgiveness.
I pray that all those in the Duggar family that need counselling have received it, or will now that everything has come to light. I pray that there has been true forgiveness and restoration in their family and they can go on in their lives.
I pray that the events surrounding this controversy have led other victims to step forward to receive help and that the predators are also able to get the help they need. I hope the Duggar story can bring hope and healing to other families.
I will end with this scripture from Matthew. Here it is talking about forgiving others that have sinned against you - Josh Duggar hasn't sinned against any of us personally, but I think it's a good reminder of how important forgiveness is in the life of a Christian.
I pray that all those in the Duggar family that need counselling have received it, or will now that everything has come to light. I pray that there has been true forgiveness and restoration in their family and they can go on in their lives.
I pray that the events surrounding this controversy have led other victims to step forward to receive help and that the predators are also able to get the help they need. I hope the Duggar story can bring hope and healing to other families.
I will end with this scripture from Matthew. Here it is talking about forgiving others that have sinned against you - Josh Duggar hasn't sinned against any of us personally, but I think it's a good reminder of how important forgiveness is in the life of a Christian.
Matthew 6:14-15New International Version (NIV)
14 For if you forgive other people when
they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their
sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
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