My last blog was 39 weeks down 1 to go. I had no idea that almost 2 weeks later, I'd still be sitting here, large and very pregnant!
I've never gone past my due date before, so it never crossed my mind that my 3rd pregnancy in under 4 years would go over...and certainty not by at least a week.
I wouldn't care so much except the fact that my mom took time off work, flew here for 4 days to meet the newest grand baby and to help me out. She definitely did help me out, but she did not get to meet the baby (a huge disappointment for me - especially since this would be the first time my mom would get to meet one of my kids so soon after being born). I tried what I could to have this baby before Sunday, before my mom flew home, but now that she is gone, I am trying to stay pregnant for the next two days, cause my husband starts his week off on Wednesday. And I have until Friday to be induced.
It's been a crazy and emotional extra 6 days. I am emotionally, mentally and physically tired and my thoughts and emotions cover a wide range of feelings.
I knew I wanted a 3rd baby and planned to have this baby sooner (3 months ago), but now I am just nervous about being the mom to 3 young kids. I was so excited, and nervous, throughout the pregnancy, but as the end has come...and gone past... now I am just more nervous then anything. And, though intellectually I know this can't possibly be true, part of me wonders if I am some how stopping myself from going into labour. That I am so scared and nervous, my brain won't allow my body to even start the process. Like having a shy bladder or something - I feel "labour shy". And though the pain results in a beautiful baby and is all worth it, I remember the pain of my second daughter and so I keep thinking "I want to go into labour....no, no I don't... of course I want to have this baby, but I don't want the pain... yes I do.. No I don't..." My second came "sunny side up" and I am super nervous about that happening again. And to top off all of that, being a week over due, I am nervous this baby is going to be huge! My two daughters were relatively small - 6 lbs 11 ounces and 7 lbs - so in reality this "big" baby may be closer to the 8 lbs mark, but my over active and sleep deprived brain is picturing more of a 10 lbs baby.
I am also starting to get worried that this pregnancy is going to end in a c-section. Of course I want this baby born safely and want what's best for baby and me, but I really don't want it to end in a c-section! C-sections are hard to recover from and I have 2 toddlers running around, plus a new born, and my eldest starting school next week, and though my husband is a great helper, he'll be working long days. I know that just because baby is snug as a bug and taking it's sweet time entering the world, does not automatically mean a c-section. It's just one more of the worries going through my mind.
And it doesn't help that I am up every 2 hours during the night and most nights I'll be up for 2-3 hours straight (like 430am-630am) and when I am lying down it's hard to breath and hard to get comfortable. So all my fears and worries are multiplied from lack of good sleep.
I also feel like the whole entire world is watching me. In reality it's mostly just my parents and in-laws, but of course everyone on Facebook, those at the church who know me, all of my family and my husbands co-workers are all watching, waiting, or asking questions. It's adding to the "labour shy" - I have stage fright, OK!! And people keep worrying that my water is going to break at any moment and makes me feel like once that happens I'll bee 100% useless. I've never had my water break on it's own before, the doctor has always done that near the end of my labour. And even if my water did break, I am fully capable of stopping whatever it is I am doing (even pulling over if I am driving) and calling the necessary people to come and help me. There are things I haven't been doing much of because of the discomfort or pain from being pregnant, but I'm not broken!! And the people who need to know, will know, when I go into labour and when the baby is born, followed by the official Facebook announcement!
Even with all the stress, emotions and anticipation, I know that whether it's in a few hours from now, or in another week, soon this pregnancy will be over - and I do enjoy being pregnant and am soaking up feeling the baby moving around inside while I still can - and before I know it this little one will be in my arms and all these worries will mean nothing and will be replaced by a whole new set of worries and joys.
This is a whole new experience for me and all I can do is take it one day at a time, and try not to psych myself out with every little cramp, back ache, or pain and continue to remind myself that nature will do it's thing, and if not I am on the induction list and will be induced by Sept 4th at the latest.
No matter what happens, I know that God is in control and this baby will come in His perfect timing, (obviously not in my preferred timing!) and everything will be ok.
Deep breaths, deep breaths!!!
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