I'm
tired.
And I don't mean physically, though I am physically tired. I would say on most days I am feeling more rested then when I was pregnant but being physically tired now doesn't help my emotional state one bit.
Mostly I am emotionally tired, which is much harder to deal with then the physical side.
Health wise, I don't feel too good. My asthma has been bad lately - I am thinking due to stress - and I am constantly using my inhaler, which is not helping my sore throat. And my allergies have been bad for awhile and I get an itchy mouth, throat and ears, and I really need to see a specialist. My skin has been very dry, especially around my mouth, which is also red and itchy and looks terrible. I need a lot of help from a lot of different specialists, when it comes to my body and health.
These health issues and frustrations just add to my mental fatigue and all the issues I have been having. People ask me how I have been and all I can really say is "ok", "fine", "good" because, well, what else do you say? What else can I say? I go to Walmart with a list of things I know I need to get, and I just wander up and down the aisles, feeling lost, because I can't remember a single thing, and I just keep repeating in my head "ok, what else was it I needed?". On a good day I remember to add everything to my list of things I need, but usually I am busy yelling at kids or feeding a new born, or zoning out on the computer or watching Netflix, that I forget what I need to add to my list.
I'm tired.
I am tired of yelling! During my very short delivery, the doctor got more hands on than I was expecting, and I let out a bloody curdling, ear piercing scream, that left my throat sore and scratchy. That was 24 days ago and it hasn't gotten much better. My throat hasn't had much time to actually heal, because I haven't stopped yelling since I got back from the hospital.
I hate yelling at my children. I hate seeing the results of yelling at my children (And the dog) - they yell at me, they yell at each other, they yell at the dog. It's constant yelling from everyone in the house. I try to ask or tell the girls things nicely, calmly. I try to explain. I try to be patient. It just doesn't work! I feel like I have to scream and yell to get my point across, which prompts my oldest to ask why I am mad at her, or to say I am mad at her sister and not her. It's terrible. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that I am mad at them all the time, or thinking that yelling is an appropriate way to communicate. I just have no idea how to teach them what the words "no", "wait", "don't do that", "stop", etc, all mean. It's hard for me to do much physically when I am sitting down and breast feeding. When I say "don't open the door and go outside", I want them to hear my words and obey them! When I say "get out of the dishwasher" I want them to get out of the dishwasher. I don't want to have to resort to yelling and spankings. When I say "no you cannot go play downstairs, please close the door" I want them to listen! When they don't listen, it adds extra stress in my life. I don't want them running out the door and getting hit by a passing vehicle, I don't want them to cut their hand on a sharp knife or break a glass from the dishwasher, and when they open the basement door, they allow the dog to go down there and then I have to get up and chase her back upstairs. It's all very annoying and very stressful. I guess no means no, unless it's from a parent to a child, then no means absolutely nothing!
I know, I know, this is every single parents struggle. Every parent has to deal with this issue on some level or another. I know I am not the only one who goes through this. I guess with recently being pregnant and now having a new born, it's just been more exhausting and irritating than usual with the lack of sleep.
I am tired.
I'm tired of my girls fighting. I am tired of hearing them yell at each other and of them complaining to me about what the other is doing. I am tired of the younger one hitting, biting and pulling the hair of the older one. I am tired of the older ones attitude. I am tired of the constant battle that is parenthood.
I know that every parent deals with these kinds of issues at some point, but when I am out I see so many kids that are calm, quiet, reserved, gentle, and who listen to their parents the first time, and I can't help but think, where am I going wrong? Why does every, single, tiny, little thing have to be a battle? I see how well my daughter listens to my friend/roommate who helps me out a lot with watching the kids. She seems to listen with little to no problems at all, and always wants to be around her. Where am I going wrong? I have to plead with her all the time to just brush her hair, she goes downstairs and comes back with a pony tail, braids, whatever. Why??? Clean up is a fight, my friend tells her "clean up all your toys and then come down and play" and my daughter jumps up and starts cleaning!
And I don't mean physically, though I am physically tired. I would say on most days I am feeling more rested then when I was pregnant but being physically tired now doesn't help my emotional state one bit.
Mostly I am emotionally tired, which is much harder to deal with then the physical side.
Health wise, I don't feel too good. My asthma has been bad lately - I am thinking due to stress - and I am constantly using my inhaler, which is not helping my sore throat. And my allergies have been bad for awhile and I get an itchy mouth, throat and ears, and I really need to see a specialist. My skin has been very dry, especially around my mouth, which is also red and itchy and looks terrible. I need a lot of help from a lot of different specialists, when it comes to my body and health.
These health issues and frustrations just add to my mental fatigue and all the issues I have been having. People ask me how I have been and all I can really say is "ok", "fine", "good" because, well, what else do you say? What else can I say? I go to Walmart with a list of things I know I need to get, and I just wander up and down the aisles, feeling lost, because I can't remember a single thing, and I just keep repeating in my head "ok, what else was it I needed?". On a good day I remember to add everything to my list of things I need, but usually I am busy yelling at kids or feeding a new born, or zoning out on the computer or watching Netflix, that I forget what I need to add to my list.
I'm tired.
I am tired of yelling! During my very short delivery, the doctor got more hands on than I was expecting, and I let out a bloody curdling, ear piercing scream, that left my throat sore and scratchy. That was 24 days ago and it hasn't gotten much better. My throat hasn't had much time to actually heal, because I haven't stopped yelling since I got back from the hospital.
I hate yelling at my children. I hate seeing the results of yelling at my children (And the dog) - they yell at me, they yell at each other, they yell at the dog. It's constant yelling from everyone in the house. I try to ask or tell the girls things nicely, calmly. I try to explain. I try to be patient. It just doesn't work! I feel like I have to scream and yell to get my point across, which prompts my oldest to ask why I am mad at her, or to say I am mad at her sister and not her. It's terrible. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that I am mad at them all the time, or thinking that yelling is an appropriate way to communicate. I just have no idea how to teach them what the words "no", "wait", "don't do that", "stop", etc, all mean. It's hard for me to do much physically when I am sitting down and breast feeding. When I say "don't open the door and go outside", I want them to hear my words and obey them! When I say "get out of the dishwasher" I want them to get out of the dishwasher. I don't want to have to resort to yelling and spankings. When I say "no you cannot go play downstairs, please close the door" I want them to listen! When they don't listen, it adds extra stress in my life. I don't want them running out the door and getting hit by a passing vehicle, I don't want them to cut their hand on a sharp knife or break a glass from the dishwasher, and when they open the basement door, they allow the dog to go down there and then I have to get up and chase her back upstairs. It's all very annoying and very stressful. I guess no means no, unless it's from a parent to a child, then no means absolutely nothing!
I know, I know, this is every single parents struggle. Every parent has to deal with this issue on some level or another. I know I am not the only one who goes through this. I guess with recently being pregnant and now having a new born, it's just been more exhausting and irritating than usual with the lack of sleep.
I am tired.
I'm tired of my girls fighting. I am tired of hearing them yell at each other and of them complaining to me about what the other is doing. I am tired of the younger one hitting, biting and pulling the hair of the older one. I am tired of the older ones attitude. I am tired of the constant battle that is parenthood.
I know that every parent deals with these kinds of issues at some point, but when I am out I see so many kids that are calm, quiet, reserved, gentle, and who listen to their parents the first time, and I can't help but think, where am I going wrong? Why does every, single, tiny, little thing have to be a battle? I see how well my daughter listens to my friend/roommate who helps me out a lot with watching the kids. She seems to listen with little to no problems at all, and always wants to be around her. Where am I going wrong? I have to plead with her all the time to just brush her hair, she goes downstairs and comes back with a pony tail, braids, whatever. Why??? Clean up is a fight, my friend tells her "clean up all your toys and then come down and play" and my daughter jumps up and starts cleaning!
I
know every parent feels inadequate, I know every parent feels judged on some
level. I know all of us parents are trying as hard as we can, and there are
times we will fail, there are times we'll yell, there are times we will just
want to run away from it all. It's hard! Whether you have 1 kid, 3 kids, or
more, parenting is tough work.
I know that the house will be messy, that it will take 10X long than it should to get out of the house, I know that siblings fight, and I know sleep is scarce is a little one.
I know, I know, I know...
I'm just tired.…
I know that the house will be messy, that it will take 10X long than it should to get out of the house, I know that siblings fight, and I know sleep is scarce is a little one.
I know, I know, I know...
I'm just tired.…
No comments:
Post a Comment