Today marks the day I become a mother, 5 long, yet oh so short, years ago. As I have heard said before, the days are long and the years short. How true it is!
Technically I could say I became a mom in April of 2011 when I conceived. I could say I became a mom in May of 2011 when I took a test that confirmed my pregnancy. Or in June when I had my first ultrasound to date the pregnancy and I found out I was 8 weeks, 1 day pregnant.
But I didn’t feel like a mom back than. I had terrible morning sickness from about 6 weeks till 16 ish, weeks. I enjoyed feeling the baby moving around inside my womb, which was fascinating and weird, and I loved watching my baby grow through the ultrasounds throughout my pregnancy (and being sure to tell them every time “we don’t want to know the gender!!! I was so worried they would let it slip!). But I did not feel like a mom.
On a Tuesday in January of 2012, 2 days before my due date, 3 days before I hoped to give birth (which would have been Friday the 13th), I was called in for my last ultrasound. My fluids were low and they sent me across the street to the hospital where they would induce me and in about 12 hours I would meet my baby.
I was scared. I wasn’t ready to be a mom yet! I wasn’t ready when I peed on that stick 8 months before and I wasn’t ready now as I stood in line waiting to register and be brought up to labour and delivery. This was my first pregnancy, my first baby, and I told my OBGYN that I did not want to be induced unless absolutely necessary. And here I was, 2 days before my due date, being induced and my OBGYN had the day off!
That evening, after 9pm on Tuesday, January 10th, 2012, our first baby, a baby girl, entered the world, making me a mother, making my husband a father! It was incredible and amazing, and shocking and I was in disbelief until the next day. We did not have a name for our little girl that night but sometime around 4am we settled on Sophie, meaning wisdom. We chose Marie for her middle name after both my grandmothers, both named Mary, my maternal grandmother having passed away in 1997. And my husband's family being French, we felt that Sophie Marie also sounded French :)
5 years ago, I gave birth to an amazing, 6 pound, 8 ounce, sweet little baby girl and I felt nowhere near ready to be a mother. 5 years (and 2 more children) later, and I still feel nowhere near ready to be a mother! Being a mother is an incredibly trying, difficult, hard, amazing, rewarding, exhausting, joy filled, stretching, breaking, rebuilding experience.
In one breath you want to run away forever and never look back, in the next you can’t believe how blessed you are to call these amazing, little humans, your children. On one hand you question your sanity in ever having one (then more) children and in the next moment, baby fever hits you HARD! On one hand I feel like I started my mothering journey when I was “so old” but on the other hand I think, how can I possibly be old enough to have 3 kids, including a 5 year old!
In 5 years of parenting, and with 3 children, I have learned that I am not strong enough to be a mother. I don’t have what it takes. Not on my own, not in my own strength. God gave me these incredible children, challenges and all, and I count myself beyond blessed. I am also married to a man who is the most incredible father and who balances me out so well. Without him, I do not know what I would do. But I do know that without God, I would be a complete mess and I would either run away forever and not look back, or I would be in the psych ward having gone completely mad!
You want to know a little secret? God does give you more than you can handle! God wants you to completely trust in Him and come to Him and surrender to Him and allow Him to sustain you. God wants my old habits and old life, and sin wrecked flesh to be torn down, broken apart, dead and buried, and He wants me raised up to new, abundant, joy filled, free life, walking not in the flesh but in the power of His mighty Spirit.
God didn’t just give me these children to mold and shape, teach and nurture, but to mold, shape and teach me!
God gave me Sophie Marie 5 years ago, making me a mother, growing and nurturing a mother’s heart within me.
Sophie is wise, as her name suggests. She is hilarious, making all of us laugh, which is an everyday reminder to a prayer I had prayed over me and the child within my womb 3 days before she was born. She is caring and compassionate, always thinking about her younger siblings and trying to help me out. She is incredibly smart and her memory astounds me!
Happy 5th Birthday Sophie! Mommy loves you!! May God continue to guide, teach, shape and mold me, as I walk through this ever changing and challenging journey of parenting and learning how to discipline, nurture, teach and shape you. May I see the way God has made you and call out all your strengths, gifts and talents, while also teaching you to be humble, never thinking of yourself greater than you ought to, but putting others before yourself. May I be able to teach you how to be a strong, powerful, Godly woman of influence, while also being compassionate and loving towards others.
Sophie, you are a strong, funny, compassionate, beautiful girl of God. May God’s face continue to shine upon you, may His Spirit guide you, may your path be lighted by the Light of Jesus and His Truth be the foundation of your life.
God bless you, baby girl <3
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